The Wingman Is Dead

The inevitable moment has arrived where I prefer to go out at night alone than with a wingman. I no longer seek the company of men when I’m focused solely on getting laid.

The first reason why is that I get approached more. It’s easier for you to approach a lone girl standing by the bar than a pair, is it not? Well you better believe it’s the same for girls, too. Only by going out alone have I had nights where I do only one or two approaches and get laid. In Copenhagen it was automatic that if I dressed up nice I’d be approached by at least three girls that passed my boner test (around the 6 range). Girls higher on the scale approach indirectly by standing right next to me while giving marathon eye contact, making it painfully easy for me to strike up a chat.

The interesting thing is I’m never the hottest guy in the bar (or even close), but her first choice for sex is a guy who is in a drunk wolf pack roaming around the bar like an idiot with a hungry look in his eye. So by being alone, not drunk, relaxed, and approachable, I get bumped up on her sex wish list.

This is where I tell you that social proof is overrated. You need it as much as you need to be over six feet tall. Now I play the reverse social proof angle by almost bragging to girls that I’m alone and have zero friends (dolo proof). I lost count how many girls have told me it was “cool” and “intriguing,” which is contrary to what game logic would tell you. Social proof is more for places where girls actively seek status, like nightclubs with table service, not regular bars and chill neighborhood spots you should be going to.

The second reason I like to go out alone is that I experience fewer logistical problems and drama. It’s so hard at my age to find a guy that I’m compatible with, thanks to my firmly established quirks and neuroses, that I’ve mostly given up on making new friends. The random local guys I befriend usually have an inferior level of game with horrible instincts and an incomplete understanding of wingman rules. He can make a mistake on a girl in the group that gets attributed to me, he can blow my spot by revealing too much information he wasn’t supposed to, or he can do an infinite amount of stupid shit that raises my blood pressure and makes it harder for me to get laid.

The best time a wingman is useful is when there is a pair of girls, but even then the odds that both of you will match up with each girl and get the hookup is so low that is has happened to me less than five times over the past ten years.

While wingmen help you get into a social mood, perhaps their most suitable function, I’ve found a suitable replacement: watching an episode of Seinfeld before going out. A few laughs from Kramer and the gang get my mind ready to duplicate the same sarcasm and playful nature on girls at the bar. Even this type of prep work is necessary because while solo you’re given a pass for having a more low energy vibe since, well, you’re alone. You don’t need to be amped up, you don’t need to dance like a monkey, and you don’t need to pretend you’re having a great time with a fake smile on your face. You don’t even need to bob your head to the music. You have carte blanche for initially appearing “boring.”

I appreciate and value male comradery, but I no longer care for finding new wingmen. If I’m passing through a city for a few months, sex is far more important than a short-term wingman friendship with a guy. Even if I go back to DC and find out my boys have wives, my instinct will be to go out alone rather than meet new guys. Your game will arrive at the point where other guys will fuck things up and make things harder instead of enhancing your chances of pulling. I will admit that I prefer a life of bountiful sex than hanging out with guys who aren’t exactly on the same page as myself.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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dickbutt
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how do you isolate tho

Yams
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Interesting. I’m still at the stage that even if I do go solo dolo, its difficult to get into an approaching state unless I chat up some random dudes first.

Effectively I still have a wingman cruch however I will agree that the times that I have been approached by girls was when I was alone.

The Specimen
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I don’t think being alone is necessarily a lack of social proof. Going out alone implies a certain amount of social confidence, and non passive attitude towards life. How mny insecure men do you ever see by themselves at bars getting into conversations with random people?

I also think that in addition to making for easier logistics and more approachability, rolling solo just puts you in a different state of mind toward socializing with new people and getting laid.

The G Manifesto
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I have been writing about this very subject for 5 years.

Except the Seinfield part.

Never seen that show.

– MPM

Jay Gatsby
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To add to this discussion, married guys make the WORST wingmen. As a married guy myself, I know my skills are a little rusty and in any event, I’m wearing a wedding ring. If two single girls are out, which one of them wants to get stuck talking to the married guy? While neither may want to get laid that night, you can rest assured that they’re interested in finding a long-term boyfriend and eventually a husband. The married guy is taken, so what is the point? An ego boost perhaps, but how much of an ego boost can come from a married guy if he’s happily married?

When I was single, I preferred going out alone. If you have solid game, a good physique and dress well, what does your wingman have to offer? He can jump on the grenade, but oftentimes he’ll want to get laid by a hottie as much as you do, so you’ll be competing with each other rather than working together. Having an ugly wingman makes it worse because he’ll still want the hottie (but can’t have her), and may even turnoff the grenade, thereby sabotaging your efforts.

baz
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baz
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rolling solo works best for me when i’m in europe
especially at gigs, where wingmen or wingwomen can be a hindrance
someone on the forum mentioned how social circle game is mostly how things work in germany, and i’d agree with that, but i’ve had more success doing my own thing and i’ve found most girls there are receptive to solo foreign guys who give off a friendly relaxed vibe, plus it’s a chance for them to practise their english
‘state’ is obviously a factor here, as if i’m at a gig, chances are i’m there cos i like the music and that happy vibe tends to attract people to you

virgle Kent
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slow clap… steadily building….. standing ovation… slowly wipe tear from my eye

Anonymous
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Amen. This is how I’ve been working for the past couple of years. I think it’s better to focus on yourself, to be present, and to really be able to feel the weight of your own body. Than you can connect with other people, namely girls.

In fact, It’s a beta DLV to ‘need’ drinking buddies. If you can show that you don’t need anyone, that’s a major point if you’re trying to go for an SNL.

The only problem is you have to have a good reason to anchor your presence at the bar. Drinking is the only way to do this without pissing off the bartenders. And, sometimes you get can too drunk.

Unless someone here has a better idea?

Anonymous
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Also, by going solo, you’ve already isolated… YOU become the prize, the thing that they need to work for. You have to build attraction through good fashion and body language, and allow them to give ‘approach’ you (for girls, this is when they give proximity).

Than you can already begin qualification by deciding weather they are worthy enough to talk to at all.

Anonymous
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ALSO.. you can use “ghost-wing” game. This is where you go out alone, not with the mindset of getting laid, but act as if you’ve already got a girlfriend and that you’re just there to wing for a buddy (the ghost).

This a is subtle thing to pull that can only be done through subtext and body language, but it can be a great false-disqualifier and can help bring her bitch shield down enough that she might give you proximity.

Also, get good at checking chicks out from your peripheral vision so you don’t have to look at them or look around the bar. Keep your back to the room and focus on yourself, because you give power to anyone that you look at (which should only be the bar staff).

It’s funny that in the animal world, the predator is the one that has eyes in the front and the beta prey have eyes on the side (to watch out for predators), whereas in game, the man who can size up a girl without having to look at her has an advantage.. like a “spidey-sense,” but here it’s a “punani-sense.”

Anonymous
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Actually, it’s still alpha/predator to look forward and to be not be looking around a lot like a beta/needy/prey. So, good peripheral vision allows you to get the best of both.

Anonymous
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Also, don’t move around or gesticulate needlessly. Don’t groove to the music. Be loose, but make sure that you are only making meaningful movements, not erractic or nervous ones. This is subtle, but I’ve had girls pick me up and actually tell me “wow that was impressive how you were so still at the bar.”

In our modern world, the ultimate game is to let them think they are hunting you. This is especially true of High-T sluts who are out at meat market bars looking to ride the cock-carousel.

CJ
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The part about guys looking for the solo girl to approach, really makes sense to me. Especially in America, where gender roles are seemingly reversing (ugh), going out alone might be a huge plus.

Reflecting on my own experiences, I usually have the most success when I remove myself from my group of friends and do my own thing for awhile.

Kid Strangelove
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Roosh, how do you deal with the sheer boredom of being out alone?

When I’m at a bar by myself, I feel like a total loser. I know I probably shouldn’t be drinking beer because of my Endomorph body type, I really don’t care much for the shit they show on TV there (unless its the 1 day a week there’s an NFL game) and just being there solo feels like I am accomplishing nothing.

Even though my friends are all terrible wingmen, just the fact that they’re there, that we can chat and these chats put me in a good mood to approach, and I just can’t do that solo. Any more advice, besides the Seinfeld watching?

Kane
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The last time a wingman helped me out was the spring of 2010, and the last time before that was the winter of 2008-2009. I agree, a good wingman is hard to come by if you have solid game, and if you have solid game, you don’t need a wingman.

The last few times I went out with wingmen was to help those wingmen improve their game, not try to pick up for myself.

choichoi
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I’d say that I roll solo 90% of the time I go out. It’s mainly because I’m accustomed to it. My guy friends are flakier than the girls I game on so I pretty much stopped inviting people to come out with me.
Sometimes though, I get the feeling that I would fair better at certain venues had I brought a wingman because the girls at Latin clubs have a tendency to pair up with each other dance consecutive salsa/bachata/merengue/reggaeton songs and will let no guy break them up -like wtf? I’ve seen pairs of guys get shot down by pairs of dancing girls. Makes you wanna say, “bitch, go the fuck home and make a Youtube video or somethin.”

Anon
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“Now I play the reverse social proof angle by almost bragging to girls that I’m alone and have zero friends (dolo proof). I lost count how many girls have told me it was “cool” and “intriguing,” which is contrary to what game logic would tell you.”

Girls love it when you’re by yourself. They know you’re down to fuck without any judgmental dudes around. They respect that instead of the guy that gets drunk, grinds chicks, and talks shit to his boys when he gets rejected.

My best wingman is my buddy. We meet up and shoot the breeze, but when the girls arrive we usually split up.

Jake
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Jake
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Hm. I wish. How do you pass the time between cute girl things?

Tony Snow
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Tony Snow
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Great post. I fly solo all the time since I’m in a new city and don’t have good friends like my friends back home. I came to this realization yesterday because I noticed how much more success I have when I roll solo. On friday night I was at this bar/club that has a live band on one side and a dj on the other.

It was early in the night and this really cute blonde girl just stands right in front of me while i was watching the lame band. I make a comment about her encroaching on my space and she starts laughing end up dancing a little and make out with her in about 5 minutes. She leaves though cuz she was telling me that she doesn’t know me and so son. This is a part of my game i need to tighten up. But every other time I go out I hook up with a girl and occasionally get one night stands.

Anonymous
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I say the hell with a wingman,
Roosh wasnt kidding when he mentioned how fast Brazilian Men swoop women in Brazilian Clubs.This chubby dude brags on how he has a popular blog and she is all over him,then again I need to explore this speed of pick up myself by going there someday.
However,like Roosh also said about Brazilian game,all he probably got off this chick was just a Kiss.Oh well.

http://youtu.be/j8ssAl0zC6w

Y
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Y
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Agree, most of my success comes from going solo.

State and ‘warming up’ is bs as well.

The other night I walked into a bar, approached one girl, brought her home 1 hour later.

I hadn’t spoken to anyone else all day.

Brian
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Brian
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The same with trying to become friends with other guys thinking that maybe they will know some girls that you can then meet. While that can happen sometimes, talking with and attempting to give value to other men just to be man-friends, and then trying to swoop girls he MAY happen to know is so beta. If you want to get laid, don’t waste your time talking with other guys (wingman or guy friends), spend your game-time talking to women.

Glee Manifesto
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“Roosh, how do you deal with the sheer boredom of being out alone?

When I’m at a bar by myself, I feel like a total loser. I know I probably shouldn’t be drinking beer because of my Endomorph body type, I really don’t care much for the shit they show on TV there (unless its the 1 day a week there’s an NFL game) and just being there solo feels like I am accomplishing nothing.

Even though my friends are all terrible wingmen, just the fact that they’re there, that we can chat and these chats put me in a good mood to approach, and I just can’t do that solo. Any more advice, besides the Seinfeld watching?”

^^I second the post above. How do you deal with boredom? I imagine you are waiting at least 5 – 10 min between sets since you sit in one spot? You must have zen-like mastery of being “in the moment” or something to not to get bored.

fabien
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A few more solo dolo adventages:
Logistics: You control the choice of venues and when to bounce. Wasted time is minimized.
Game: For beginners, your game will improve much faster. No wingman removes one variable out of the equation. Success and failures, what worked, what didn’t work are more easily analyzed.

Golden Boy
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I’ve been experiment with Dolo over the last year since I’m at the age where a lot of my buddies are married/committed.

The one big thing I’ve noticed – I get approached a lot more! And that is huge b/c you can almost be sure that a girl who approaches you wants to bang unless you screw it up.

The other advantage is that I can leave when I want. This is key. I can go out for an hour or two and do some approaches without having to go through the whole production of predrinking, partying, late night recaps etc. Dolo saves me time for other pursuits.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Roosh = Bryonic Hero :banana:

Bigfoot
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Bigfoot
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I think rolling dolo is better when you are a bit more experienced.
A guy newer to the game is not going to be able to handle hours of rejection at a loud bar and club with no friends.

Richie
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I regularly tell friends Im busy in order to go out solo. I have wasted to many years down the pub getting wasted with buddies and not getting laid. It was fun while it lasted but whats the point when it all blurs into single memory.
I might watch Seinfeld before I go on a date. But I have recently gotten into the habit of watching porn and having a few beers before going out solo. I turns me into a hungry animal with no fear. Thoughts?

Bortimus
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Bortimus
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I’m out.

Gabriel
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Gabriel
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I accidentally stumbled on the Seinfeld tip the past week. After watching two episodes before going out, I found myself mimicking the verbal diarrhea Jerry has every episode.

As a beginner of game, I find going out alone to benefit me more than with a wingman or a group of friends. You’re given more opportunities to practice conversation, and there is a genuine interest on her part as to why you’re there. In the end, it depends on the mindset you come in with as mentioned previously. I like going into restaurants and bars with the mindset of getting a few drinks in me, talk to the bartender and a few of the cooks if possible. It helps to be in the restaurant business too, or to have some experience in it. It’s not uncommon to find servers getting off of work and going to the only bar open for drinks, and will even consider you as “one of them” if you tell them of your restaurant experiences.

pilgrim37
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You have to have strong motivation to keep going out on your own:be driven,with purpose.
I have done pretty well going out alone now and again when in my 20’s ,though definitely don’t prefer it if there’s options of others to go out with.

But,if it’s a choice of going out alone or just staying in fiddling about on the computer night after night then you need to get out there.
You’re not going to meet anyone sitting in your living room!
And the odds on dating sites are God awful.

Squared
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Squared
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Another day, another pillar of game crumbles by the wayside, according to the expert. At this pace, I give it six months to a year before before Roosh pulls an AlekNovy and declares all game is bullshit/little more than a numbers game.

Mick
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Mick
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now you have no friends left? what a fucking loser

Bogs
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Bogs
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This article hits home…

I cannot count how many times I went out with some new wing, just to discover that I am better off on my own.

That’s being said, I did meet few cool guys from the community forums, but it is so rare…

DrG
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Roosh, you seem to contradict yourself! Didn’t you publish a post a few months back about how cool your Danish roommate was in Brazil, how you got along with him well, and how he was helping you pull fine Brazilian tail left and right because of his exotic blonde looks? I think you should add another post saying that a wingman can be great if he is at the “same level of game” as you are and can be used to isolate the “ugly friends” if one approaches a group.

Jack
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In NYC girls always seem to ask “who are you with”? They want to know you have friends and a good social life and are not a loner.

Eric
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Eric
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“If you’re in a venue packed with people and you’re bored”

What about going out alone during the week to a venue NOT packed with people? You’ve dealt with that this summer in Poland, correct? How do you kill the time between approaches besides “standing there like you own the place” and making “slow confident movements”

West LA
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Good post Roosh.

Some of the comments remind me, the term “solo dolo” or just “dolo” always sounds painfully childish to me, like clutching a teddy bear for a sense of security, or needing to wear lots of ostentatious leather in desperate hopes that it will makes others think your are ‘cool’ or ‘tough’ …

It’s about as dorky/wimpy as referring to a drink as a “drinky winky” (while clearly thinking it makes you sound ‘cool’)…

It reveals so much insecurity, anxiety, fear, etc.
It is like having training wheels on your bike — not something you continue doing when you are no longer a wobbly beginner who can barely ride at all.

I’ve been traveling on my own since my teens, so it’s been surprising to me to see that apparently so many guys think going out & about by yourself is such a big fucking deal.
I didn’t realize how lucky I was to be free from the big restriction of all that unease.
Just lucky, like being born smart or something.
It’s just pure dumb luck. A reason for gratitude.

Anonymous
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If you just want to get laid, going out alone is def the way to go. If you want to just grab a drink and shoot the shit with your boys, that’s fine too. but if your main objective is to get laid, be the lone wolf and don’t go home until you find your prey. much fewer distractions alone…

Sam Diego
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“So by being alone, not drunk, relaxed, and approachable, I get bumped up on her sex wish list.”

From my personal experiences I couldn’t agree more. Excellent post, Roosh.

Based on the “wingman” alternatives I see where I live — hanging with a half a platoon of military meatheads, or with a bunch of surf-brahs or creepy emo/hipster types — I land a lot more notches rolling on my own and having the ladies vibe off that uniqueness rather than the “social proof” of me being associated with a pack of incoherent and usually sexually frustrated “wingmen.”

And even though I don’t run anything close to the tightest game on this planet, I’ve found that my friends’ attempts at game is far, far worse. Especially in a pack. And after a couple hours of drinking hard.

BTW — where solo really comes into play is during my trips to Vegas. I’ve seen a couple G posts on the very subject, which I totally relate to. Show up anywhere there there dressed not-shlummy and not wielding a 4-foot-tall drink vessel and tada — you’ve placed yourself way above the middlin masses and deep into the international cache of ladies who go there precisely to get some action.

Another solo mantra in my experience: Never share a hotel room with your “wing” (and this absolutely includes cabins on cruise ships 😉 😉 😉 . Hell, never have a roommate anywhere period.

Ubermind
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Wingmans have always been the part of Game that has puzzled me. Because I have never seen their usefullnes.

If they are inferior to you – they drag you down.

If they are superior – they are your concurents.

I have always practiced game alone and it has worked great for me.

Anonymous
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I’m waiting for the point where Roosh only has to look, point at a girl, and then the panties drop.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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panties can drop after few words if you’ve got a flush game.

Anonymous
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Roosh:
-Don’t you think that for many guys “thinking to themselves” will simply build up their anxiety and result in less approach? A mental strategy to keep their minds anxiety free could help.
-In your case, do you mostly do proximity approaches? Or will you bounce around from your magic spot for an approach?
-What if there’s no space at the bar, you will stand in the crowd behind?

Sh0t
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Lone wolf is the only way to be. especially if you go out on an empty stomach. Feels primal and raw. Which just feels right.

samseau
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Personally I love having a good wingman, I’m not sure why you think it’s so overrated. Must be an age thing, Roosh.

Most of the time I’m out with a wing, we get so separated it’s like we are out alone anyways. Also, my wing and I agree on where we want to go at the start of the night, so there are no issues later on. Therefore I do not have any logistical problems with wings. The wing is there to have fun and help with two/three sets.

Other than that, I agree, going out alone is easy. But having a good wing is still more fun.

It seems to me this is more of a personality thing, to prefer not having any friends. I like having friends and I’m good at making friends, so having wings is always a plus.

And the amount of times I’ve been approached while solo is about equal to the amount of times I’ve gotten my wing laid.

Begby
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Just curious Roosh, how seriously do you take the 3-second rule, outlined by Mystery: never take longer than three seconds to approach a girl after eye contact has been made. This has been hanging me up in bars where there is not a huge bustling crowd. It seems like it would only work for a one-shot, because if you instantly approach the first girl you like, and she shoots you down, you will have a big disadvantage on any subsequent approaches in that bar. Everyone else in there will see it happen. Also, what is your take on drifting around to several bars in one night versus staying put in one and waiting for the ladies to rotate in and out?

Jay Gatsby
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@44 – not sure that will happen with your average guy. If you’re a rock star, movie star or similar type of guy, you’ll have a line out the door. Otherwise, you need to put in your time.

Yams
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You’re doing God’s work.