The Worst Hostel In South America

I stayed in the worst hostel in South America for ten nights. If you are wondering why I didn’t leave, it’s because I was trapped after pre-paying for Carnival. Constructing this photo montage helped me cope.

Let’s start with my bunk bed.

roosh-bunk.jpg

I had the top bunk, which turned out to be the best bed in my fourteen bed pen. I used the locker behind me as a nightstand. Still sleeping is an Englishman who would sing a song called “Do your balls hang low” when drunk.

Here’s my repaired foam pillow:

foam-pillow.jpg

I didn’t mind the foam so much but it was not very clean (think traveler drool sponge), and many times I’d wake up with my skin touching it.

Here’s a typical mattress, with diarrhea or urine stain, probably both. It was made of the same foam material as the pillows and compressed to the thickness of a slice of Chicago style pizza when layed upon.

mattress.jpg

I got lucky with my bunk, and by lucky I mean a robber took everything I owned except my shoes so I could walk home naked, but the others were less fortunate.

bunks.jpg

Note the six inch space between the bunks. It was almost like they were sleeping in the same bed with each other. This room was still better than the one next door that had a large water leak no one could source, or the room nicknamed “the shed” which was damp and moldy.

There were two bathrooms I could use: one in my pen and one in the hallway which twenty other people shared. Here’s a picture of my bathroom:

sink.jpg

As you can see, the sink needs to be repaired. About halfway through my stay, another Englishman decided to wash his feet in the sink after coming home from a night out. As he came crashing down to the floor with the sink at 6 o’clock in the morning, I bet he was both suprised and dissapointed that it was held up by what appears to be bookshelf brackets.

A sign put up my management after the incident was promptly defaced.

what-sink.jpg

The sink was not repaired by the time I left. Here’s the other sink:

sink2.jpg

This sink had a drainage problem that management never fixed so for several days I used a shower stall as a sink. I could only use it while wearing flip-flops because of the splash-back. After each use I dried my shins along with my hands.

Here is the floor of the shared bathroom:

floor.jpg

You see that black “water”? My flip flop would get just stuck enough in it that when the sole released the sewage mix splashed on my ankles. For this hostel I aggressively rearranged my number two schedule until after the maid cleaned up, but I was reluctant to urinate as well. The toilets would not flush properly so many times I was greeted in the bathroom with someone else’s feces in the bowl. There will not be a picture of that.

Here’s the security camera. Notice something wrong?

camera.jpg

Speaking of security, there was a little favela within walking distance than the beach.

The accomodations were so bad that it was the main source of bonding with the other travelers. Many of us maintained countdowns to check out. If you find yourself in Rio de Janeiro, whatever you do, do not stay at Che Lagarto Budget hostel in Copacabana.

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dchero
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dchero
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I just laughed for 5 solid minutes. Well done, sir. That sign is priceless.

dchero’s last blog post: Chicks With Short Hair.

anonE
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anonE
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money changes everything
money. money changes everything …

Please tell us that this room cost

Arjewtino
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Arjewtino
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Wow. I have stayed in some pretty awful hostels, even sleeping on a bloody mattress, but this one makes my worst stay look like a five-star hotel.

Arjewtino’s last blog post: Weekend Regrets*.

Sudamericana
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Sudamericana
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And I thought the bat story would mark the end of your grievances…

Enjoy your family, home and friends back in DC! It’s been great to hear about your travels, and I hope you’ll bring more of that after a much needed recovery.

Tom
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Tom
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I’ve slept in worse. Several ones, in fact. I wish I could say maybe they were bad but at least better kept, but that’s not true either.

The most exciting one, though not worst, was probably when I woke up one morning with a foot-long, black, red-legged, cigar-thick, dead centipede in bed. “Dude, those are poisonous,” was the comment. (Kenya)

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I look forward to hearing how difficult it is to remember that toilet paper goes in the toilet, not the trash can next to.

Ava V
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Ava V
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Is it me or does this post just me make never want to leave the country?

Ava V’s last blog post: Old Britney.

Joe T.
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Joe T.
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I guess digs like that limit one’s sex life just a tad… even in Rio?

Joe T.’s last blog post: Farecast Now Predicts Some International Airfares.

roissy
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roissy
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definition of tight game:

bringing a girl back to that hostel… more than once.

roissy’s last blog post: Phone Number Free-For-All.

Peter
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Peter
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Still sleeping is an Englishman who would sing a song called “Do your balls hang low” when drunk.

Do you remember the lyrics?

shadi
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shadi
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i am horrified. why do boys insist on traveling like this? what’s an extra $10 a night?

eugenius
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eugenius
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Nice, good shit, will make you appreciate home more. Good to have you home…..

PS. Don’t even show your face on the street untill all the diseases you are carrying had time to mutate into something thats not contageous anymore 🙂

Call me.

craig of travelvice.com
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Sweet mother of God…

Rio’s cheer:

Over-rated! (clap) (clap) (clap-clap-clap)

craig of travelvice.com’s last blog post: I Could Use Your Vote.

craig of travelvice.com
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What does this mean?

“and by lucky I mean a robber took everything I owned except my shoes so I could walk home naked, but the others were less fortunate.”

I’m lost.

craig of travelvice.com’s last blog post: I Could Use Your Vote.

spaceman
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i was almost forced to stay at the hostel in the beginning of the movie The Beach. (in thailand) it was just as bad as the movie makes it out to be. luckily I found a really nice place farther down the way in phucket at midnight.

thats what makes backpacking so awesome.

craig of travelvice.com
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I stayed at that hotel (The On-On) from The Beach. Yes, crappy, but worth it for the novelty.

Here’s a photo: http://snapshots.travelvice.com/view/thailand/phuket/DSCN0749.JPG.html

craig of travelvice.com’s last blog post: Culture Or Rape?.

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[…] take off the $3,000 I spent in Rio (one-sixth of that went to the worst hostel in South America for their six day Carnival package). That leaves $9500 for five months, or $63 a day. Out of that […]

speakeasy
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speakeasy
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I’ve stayed in my share of hostels. The worst one I ever stayed at was in Paris, but I still had an incredible time and met some friends I still keep in touch with 7 years later. I always go on one of those hostel review sites ahead of time for any city I might be visiting and make a list of the ones with good reviews. The Paris hostel I didn’t look up, was just winging it and hopped on a train to paris with no reservations.

Gabi
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Gabi
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HAHAHAHAhahah!!!! =P thanks for sharing that…I never laughed so much reading a blog…
ai ai poor little Roosh

nomadfuckturd
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nomadfuckturd
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I wish I had read this before going to Rio. I stayed in this crap hostel two weeks ago. It is still a major SHITHOLE, even three years later. I was in the 14 bed dorm and it had one dirty nasty bathroom that was fallin apart. The whole place is just geared toward ripping off short term tourists who think they are partying in Rio when they are in fact at some BS tourist party created by the hostel where they pay double for everything. I’ll never stay at a fucking Che Lagarto anywhere. It is the worst hostel I’ve stayed at in Brazil by far.