Every once in a while, a woman provides us with a public example that dating doesn’t work. This most recently came from conservative Fox News correspondent Tomi Lahren, who proclaimed all that is wrong with men in a 15-minute video that has accumulated nearly two million views. In spite of her having access to the attention of tens of thousands of men, many of whom are rich and handsome, she has not secured a life partner. While she blames her failure on the state of men, her problem lies with using the secular strategy of dating.
If you’re short on time to watch her full video, view this short supercut:
Tomi Lahren says a lot of men are trash…
Tomi Lahren is canceling men this summer… pic.twitter.com/55uodC3K0s
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) August 5, 2020
I was immediately struck by the disparity of her feminine, doll-like appearance to her hostile, stern demeanor. It’s as if you encountered a fluffy cat on the street that for no reason began to bark at you. If she matched her demeanor to her appearance, could she look the same as most card-carrying feminists—heavyset, short-haired, wearing problematic prescription glasses, and covered with tattoos?
This is a message for all the boys who think they’re men, but are actually boys.
What is a boy? Someone who is not responsible, loyal, or consistent. A boy just wants to play. He seeks excitement and fun instead of obligation. For her to utter this statement, and be motivated enough to shoot a video about it, she must have had a lot of experience with immature men she calls boys. But why? Why has she voluntarily cavorted with so many boys that she has developed an expertise in analyzing them? Could I ever have been able to write articles and books on “sluts” unless I had many dealings with them?
All of my [female] friends are attractive and successful. They all have an issue with men. If all of these women are having issues then it might not be us.
She defines a successful woman as one who is in an expert at extracting material rewards from the visible world, no doubt aided by a team of expensive hairstylists, dermatologists, and personal shoppers. And yet they still cannot find a man, only boys. Could it be that the fruit of their worldly “success” is attracting men who are addicted to the fleeting things of this world as much as them?
When listing all the accomplishments of her and her friends, she not once mentions faith. She does not mention her spiritual journey nor her obedience to God. For all we know, she could be an atheist or a Christian in name only, because if you were following Jesus Christ and went on to list all your personal strengths, or at least those things you strive towards, it’d be impossible not to mention Him. She surely has faith in the world, and in the beauty of her body, but from her video I don’t see a woman who is seeking out a man of God instead of a man of the world.
I used to be a staunch fornicator who was obsessed with obtaining sex by the third date. For many years I got what I wished for. My sex life was exciting enough that I could teach other men to mimic my lifestyle, and yet much of my ensuing writing and conversations with friends were filled with complaints about women. Pursuing them in a secular way, in which God had not intended, gave me sexual pleasure but nothing else, and so I wonder if Tomi can see that her secular dating strategy is not only failing but causing her to develop a belligerence against men. She is receiving unbridled attention from them, and surely no shortage of dates, but what is the use of all that if in the end you’re left bitter and angry?
Tomi has several rules that she wants men to follow. I’ve paraphrased a few of them below.
1. “Be single”
Men who are pursuing her are not single, and since this was her first rule, I imagine that it is a common occurrence. This means they see her as a side piece, a potentially erotic experience. These men are so enslaved to their passions that they dishonor their partners and eagerly seek to commit adultery. Whatever bait she’s putting out there, the type of fish that are biting are the piranhas that just want to gobble her up for a quick meal before moving on to the next woman.
2. “Don’t act like a pen pal”
She experiences endless texting marathons that go nowhere. I would guess this involves men who are involved with another woman. They are trying to warm up their new prospect until the iron is hot enough to create a brief window of opportunity that leads to fornication. Time is of the essence—they can’t wine and dine Tomi on multiple dates, so she is treated like a backup plan, which is devastating to her since she sees herself as successful. Her ego then convinces her that the problem isn’t her, but nearly every man she has ever involved herself with.
3. “Make solid plans instead of texting at late hours”
When a man is not invested into a woman, he won’t care to make plans more than a day in advance. Booty calls and one-time hookups do not deserve advance notice. Even though Tomi is listing different rules for men to follow, it’s clear that they all stem from the same problem of men who aren’t serious about her and just want to get her in bed, either for sexual pleasure or for the novelty of sleeping with a celebrity.
4. “Be consistent”
Men are showing a burst of interest in her and then dropping off, perhaps after sleeping with her or after she states her demands of what a boyfriend should provide her (she doesn’t say). The reason this happens is that Tomi has presented personal and aspiritual qualities that attract fornicators. If a woman puts career above family, dresses in a way to elicit a man’s lust, has an active Instagram account that amplifies that lust further, and wears excess makeup to simulate her face coloration upon the peak of bodily orgasm, she will not catch the attention of a devout Christian man who is the only type capable of providing the loyalty and consistency she seeks, and if she is attracting the Orthodox Christian man but still chooses to remain single, she is mixed up about the kind of man she truly wants.
My guess is that Tomi, despite possessing a high worldly status she boasts about, has not been able to secure the commitment of the right man who wants to become one flesh with her in the house of God. This is because she is announcing to the men of the world that she cannot be a wife who dedicates herself to the husband and home since she already has a husband in the form of a career, and a home in the form of a television studio.
It is not just the guys [who live in certain cities]. A lot of men are trash. They don’t know how to treat women. They don’t know how to pull their heads out of the sand and pay attention… I think men have failed themselves and they have failed us.
There are some men who are trash. I was trash. I treated women as fleshy sex toys and saw them as a means to gain pleasure and feed my masculine pride while the women I dated saw me as a means of novelty and entertainment. Only one loving relationship developed in nearly two decades of secular dating, and that ended in a fireball of deceit and manipulation. Only through God was I able to break that cycle and pursue a life of chastity where I cannot complain about my recent personal dealings with women. When I was of poor character, I attracted women of poor character, and now that my faith has given me moral character, I also attract women of moral character. It’s not rocket science.
Tomi Lahren supports abortion, an abominable act that seeks to terminate the lives of society’s most helpless. If you’re a woman who supports the killing of the unborn, what kind of man do you think you will attract? It’s possible that she would never choose for abortion herself, but if that was the case, why support it for others? The only type of man who would date a woman who publicly supports abortion is a fornicator who is not of God. I wouldn’t recommend such a man for your sister or daughter. Tomi is attracting her mirror reflection, and she is furious at it, yet that anger should be redirected from men to herself for boldly going against her Creator and the love He has for His human creation.
If you want to mix in with people like my friends who are go-getters, who work really hard, who make their own money, who are talented, skilled, and ambitious, please don’t mix us in with the [thots]. We take it as an insult if you are also talking to five other [thots].
If a man is pursuing you at the same time he’s pursuing multiple women of ill repute, that says he sees you as a thot just like them. You share their characteristics, rituals, and behaviors. Those other women you call a thot do not call themselves a thot, yet probably would call you a thot. Every other woman but you is a thot although you’re similar enough to them that men you interact with can’t really tell the difference. At the very least, this should serve as a wake-up call for her to investigate the attributes she shares with thots.
She again refers to the worldly value of herself and the women she knows, not understanding that women prize material success and the stability it brings far more than men. Many times throughout her video she referred to her friends as having “something going on”—some material scheme or ambitious plot that is irrelevant to men looking to start a family. She also commands men to leave her alone and instead waste time on women who “haven’t found themselves,” insinuating that she herself is found and must therefore be treated as she wishes, not at all connecting that how she is treated is a reflection of her true value, not her perceived value, and that as long as we are far from God, we are not found but lost.
She doesn’t help her case by frequently referring to texting and DMs, suggesting she is on her phone for much of the day, likely communicating with various men who want to date her. By announcing this behavior, she is going to attract the type of man who is also on his phone for much of the day, who lives in the virtual reality of photoshopped pictures and witty comebacks.
Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be a bitch. If you failed and lost a woman of value like myself of my friends, don’t be a bitch. Don’t be butthurt. You did it to yourself.
You may think this anger is the result of one bad relationship, but I see it as an accumulation of failures with men. She is at the age (28) where I believe she imagined herself to be married and living happily ever after, but men of the world failed her and she doesn’t see it as her fault, yet based on her vitriol, she might as well have multiple divorces under her belt. These days, a woman doesn’t have to be divorced for her to carry a lot of baggage left over from a robust dating history.
She mentions her friends yet again. This tells me that they are the enablers of her current behavior and world outlook. Instead of having a spiritual father, or at least an ordained priest to receive guidance from, she has a secular sisterhood. They cry on each other’s shoulders after every failed relationship and reinforce the idea that men are the problem. Where is her father? Why isn’t he arranging for her to marry instead of her arranging dates based on who she is emotionally attracted to?
I do have high standards and high expectations. My friends too. Do you want to know why? We worked for those? We work hard, we’re successful. We have a desire to be something more each day. We’re not difficult, we have a baseline standard.
Who created the material standard of success that she follows? Certainly not Christ, for He told us to live in the world but not be of the world. I don’t see her standard of success taught in the Bible, certainly not in the First or Second Epistle to the Corinthians where St. Paul gave lessons for women about conduct. It does not come from the teachings of the Orthodox Church or the Church Fathers. She learned it from the great deceiver, the father of lies. He deceives people into thinking that they are at the height of value because they are attractive and have money when in fact, due to their lack of faith, they are facing judgement.
It will be a cold day in hell when I chase a man. There is not one single man on planet earth who doesn’t make a woman feel good enough.
If a woman is chasing after positive feelings, what she’s really chasing is dopamine, and the type of man who releases dopamine is the exact type she interacts with—fornicators who cheat on their girlfriends and string her along with low-effort text messages until trying to set up a booty call. The good man, who is ready to protect and provide for his family, releases not dopamine but serotonin, a hormone of peace and calm, feelings that modern women choose not to have due to empowering their disordered passions.
I wish Tomi had a spiritual elder that could tell her she’s merely attracting the male version of herself, and that the value she perceives to have is opposed to securing the type of man she thinks she wants. I look at the type of woman I attracted during my pickup days and compare them to the women I have corresponded with since turning to Christ—they are a world apart. I forgot what it’s like to have wild interactions with women with accompanying tension, disappointment, and anxiety that follows acts of illicit fornication.
If Tomi asked me for advice, I would tell her to repent and declare Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, not with memes posted to her Instagram but with the entirety of her heart. I would tell her to quit her job and remove herself from the hell-pit of career, fame, and money. I would tell her to stop dating and beg God to reveal a path forward that will save her soul and provide a family through which she honors God. Good can only come from God, but that means putting Him first, a hard decision for a woman who Satan is actively tempting with fame and riches of the world.
Christ clearly teaches us the kind of life we must lead while in servitude to Him, and until we embark on that path, we will encounter needless sufferings that redirect the hatred we have of ourselves due to our misconduct to those around us. If Tomi embarks on a righteous path, she will soon be able to recognize a different type of man, a man of the faith who does not excite her emotions but pleases her soul, because it’s through this man that she will serve God and not the world. May God bless her on that journey.