Wearing The Engagment Ring After The Wedding

As a teenager I learned that engagement rings are only worn during a couple’s engagement period. But times have changed. Because women make such a big deal about wanting an engagement ring that costs at least 15% of her fiance’s yearly salary (Zales said so), they’ve become reluctant to hide such precious jewelry just because a couple vows were exchanged. Everywhere you look women have now settled on the retarded trend of wearing both the engagement ring and unglamorous wedding band at the same time, on the same finger. They do this because they want to continue advertising their life partner’s salary. How else will her peer group judge her worth as a woman? It takes way too much work to judge a person’s character and personality—but that shiny diamond is like a billboard that everyone can understand. “She married a guy with money and fulfilled her purpose in life! I’m so jealous and depressed—where’s the chocolate?!”

I would love to see a man try to reason with his long-term girlfriend that an expensive engagement ring is a waste of money, that it’s better well spent towards a house or interesting vacations. I’d get the popcorn ready as she rails on him for being unromantic, selfish, and “out of touch,” because nothing says romance and generosity like a rock whose supply is artificially controlled by multinational entities.

A woman who wants such a ring is going to be trouble down the road. Next thing you know the car is old because it needed two repairs in one year, a storage facility needs to be rented to house all that shit that went out of style, the McMansion needs an upgrade because the kitchen doesn’t have enough space for a restaurant-sized refrigerator to store carry-out, and a hot Polish au pair must be brought into the house to watch the kids while cool mommy is in Pilates class.

It is up to us to put the engagement back into engagement ring. If a woman finds it socially unacceptable to wear an engagement ring after the wedding, she will not push for something so costly to only wear for a year or less. Next time you see a double-ring wearer, all you have to do is ask the shallow woman why she wears both rings. Peel at the scab to get to her true shameful intentions. Since women are hyper-sensitive to mainstream opinion, once millions of people catch on to the idea I have written about today, the expensive diamond ring will be history.

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irina
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as i’ve come to realize, for many couples, the ring is actually more for the guy. it’s his status symbol more than it is hers.

“It’s so I can show other guys that I can take care of you.”

before you try to pry that ring off of her finger, ask her husband, he’ll get really mad. and not just because you’re harassing his wife.

Gunslingergregi
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Just go to the dc big flea there will be a ring there that will cost waaay less than the store. They have a lot of antique stuff there. Diamonds for resale usually don’t bring much. might solve the problem. You probably can also get a really nice handmade ring as opposed to the machine made.

LaPay
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I don’t know who gave you the idea that the engagement ring is only worn during the engagement period. It just doesn’t make sense – as you said – to invest in a piece of jewelry that can only be worn for a matter of months.

And while I agree that the McMansion types are out of control with the wedding bling, I do think the original concept is sound. The diamond used to be a symbol of love and committment because it’s the purest stone and each diamond is unique. It wasn’t just something nice to look at that represented someone’s status. In the olden days you couldn’t just waltz into a jewelry store and charge a fine ring, you had to actually save your money for a month or two to afford it. It was a sacrifice; material yes, but still symbolic of the investment you were about to make in marriage.

I have my grandmother’s diamond ring that she bought when she and my grandfather got engaged in the 40’s, just before he left for the service and the beaches of Normandy. Neither had any money, but they were in love, and he was leaving for the war. The diamond is tiny and the band plain, but it’s a beautiful ring. I’m sure my grandmother had her memories and other things to remind her of my grandfather while he was at war, but this ring was the only thing that survived long enough to be handed down to me.

So there is something to be said for diamond rings.

ANON
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Wow, to be so young and yet such an cranky old man all at the same time…must you bash everything that smacks of romanticism? Yeesh.

Jo
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Personally, I’m not a fan of diamond rings. Honestly. I’d MUCH prefer something from a flea market that’s unique. It’s much more important that the guy put thought into something I’d like than just what’s the most expensive or the biggest diamond. That’s just pathetic.

cob
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Personally I always thought the idea of an engagement ring was also a marketing trick from the jewelery company to get you to buy more stuff.

Good third paragraph, and so true about hyper-sensitivity.

Antelope4
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Roosh,

Corporations control the world…they control us all. Your insights, although true and often enlightening, will ultimately lead to your demise at the hands of the true world leaders. As an individual speaking out against the ‘imaginary life’ created for us by corporations, your survival has a directly correlative relationship to you level of influence. The more popular or influential you get, (Book, News Media Attention, etc…) the more likely it is that the controlling powers will bring you down.

rebecca
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While you are advocating saving money by not getting an engagement ring, why not argue that wedding rings themselves are a waste of money? Yes, there is the whole “a circle is never-ending” symbolism, as well as the ring as a visible sign to the world that a man and woman are taken, but really. Why do we need to broadcast our commitments? If the commitment is real, a ring isn’t needed to remind you. It’s entirely reminiscent of that “best friends forever” jewelry girls wore in elementary school. You might wear that half-heart necklace, but if you weren’t really best friends, you’d still be bitchy behind her back. And, as you said, money spent on rings is money that could be spent on a house.

Dagny T.
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You know, I don’t want a diamond ring at all. The last person to bring it up to me was pretty insistent. No fiancee of his was going to have a nonconformist ring.

It’s not always about the woman. I know the kind of woman you’re talking about, but not every girl with a ginormous rock asked for it.

Genevieve
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I always thought people wore the engagement rings after marriage. My mom did after she married my step dad. Everyone else I know has as well.

Roosh you’re crazy. I read like 1 paragraph and decided I couldn’t take this post seriously. Not all women are money grubbers or even want to get married. Stop generalising all the time.

mike says
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“The diamond used to be a symbol of love and committment because it’s the purest stone and each diamond is unique….It was a sacrifice; material yes, but still symbolic of the investment you were about to make in marriage.”

hmm

LaPay’s been sold.

Brunch Bird
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Is it wrong that I found the other day’s Women-getting-raped-in-movies-is-hot post less obnoxious than this one?

Although to be fair, if I get engaged, I’m planning on spending as much money on a plasma HDTV for him as he does on my ring, as a symbol of my love and committment.

cob
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Genevieve, although it is difficult to paint with broad brush strokes, trends are important and and established for a reason.

For example, if nine men wearing red cowboy hats on sideways, with black pants and blue shoes, carrying a baseball bat bopped you on the head, would you duck if you saw the tenth one coming your way?

Sweat P.
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I tried to explain to an ex why expensive engagement rings are a sham but she refused to listen. I had no interest in marrying her, so the conversation was in the abstract, rather than pertaining to her and I specifically. She was the type who was deadset on a traditional wedding, white picket fence, etc.

My current GF agrees with me, though.

LaPay
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Ha ha, that’s funny, Mike, because I’m not the one who needs to be “sold” – it’s you. I’m never going to have to contemplate spending my savings on a piece of jewelry to get a husband, but you are probably going to have to buy some snotty bitch’s diamond because I’m betting you can’t actually land a “quality woman” who doesn’t care about that stuff. You know why? Because men like the ones who post here think you’re all going to find the quality non-superficial woman in a blonde bombshell package. So you tell me who’s the capitalistic sheep? The woman who still believes a diamond ring can have sentimental value, or the man who believes his perfect mate is going to come made-to-order?

mike says
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I guess she told me. neutral

The Dude
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The double ring thing doesn’t bother me personally. I have enough experience with women who do the two-ring-thing with an engagement ring that is either small or something that belonged to grandma, etc.

You are right on though with the big rock thing. You’ve addressed this before and you were right then. Getting a huge diamond is ultimately a waste of money. Even if you leave out the whole microeconomic and political issues surrounding the diamond industry, it still rarely makes any sense for a young couple to buy a diamond worth 15% of someone’s salary. For most middle class couples (and I include people making 100K+ per year in that group) there are many more things that the money could be spent on that will provide for a happy and healthy life for the new family a couple is creating.

Mandy
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The groom buys the ring; the parents of the bride pay for the wedding ceremony. Both the ring and the ceremony are expected to be representative of the bride and groom’s love for one another. It is tradition for both parties to bring something to the table.

Granted, our society can get out of control with its materialism…but I’m sure you find more shallowness among the single set than you do among those who are willing to commit their lives to one another. Just making a generalization here, since that appears to be a trend in your writing.

LaPay is right. Many rings have true sentimental value, and some are hand-me-downs that have lasted generations. And say what you will about money-grubbing women, but men are the ones who go out and buy these rings to make their proposal more impressive and express their affection. Most women don’t put an ultimatum on engagements (such as “If you ever propose, the ring had better be huge!”). That has probably never happened, and if you know people who are so superficial, then you’re hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Roissy
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beautiful, man. you are hitting the sweet spot with these posts lately.

i’d add that not only is a chunky diamond “endless engagement” ring an in-your-face status symbol proclaiming to the world the conventional worth of the man she married, but it’s also a rub-it-in-till-it’s-raw reminder to her circle of friends that she is the prettiest of them all. and don’t kid yourself. just beneath the congenial, giggly surface girls nurse the biggest simmering resentments of their prettier girlfriends. so much so that their hindbrains have concocted elaborate social maneuverings to conceal this coarse reality from their self-awareness.

i had an ex who fit the status whore mold fairly well. while we were dating, she had showed me older photos of her and her then ex-fiancee. in every one of the pics she is laughably showcasing her 20K diamond ring — ring hand resting on a knee, ring hand turned awkwardly outward, ring hand tilted just right to catch the flash from the camera.

another good way to pick at the scab is to ask nonchalantly “wow, that’s a really nice cubic zirconia/quartz ring you’re wearing.” if her reaction is one of pitched umbrage you’ll know you’re dealing with a woman who has no problem being reduced to a bought toy.

irina, it’s true there are some guys who like to splash their women with conspicuously expensive baubles. we call these men stupid. it’s territorial pissing and has less to do with making sure everyone knows he takes care of his woman than it does with letting other guys know she’s off the market. it is a form of big dick waving. everything is painted in the hue of status wars.

BG
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it is a bs symbol that has nothing to do with the relationship and everything to do with being judged by everyone else. it’s just another artificial thing society has created to make it harder for an unhappy couple to break up even if they hate each other and realize they made a huge mistake. I would rather tattoo beta on my balls than buy one.

mike says
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“Granted, our society can get out of control with its materialism…but I’m sure you find more shallowness among the single set than you do among those who are willing to commit their lives to one another. Just making a generalization here, since that appears to be a trend in your writing.”

The difference is that Roosh’s generalizations tend to be based on first-hand experience and observation. What is yours based on?

mm
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Gaaa. My first comment got eaten by the internet. Ok, here goes again. I was engaged once. The ring was a gold band with a tiny blue (non-diamond!) rock. I’m talking microscopic. I didn’t care. I was just happy to be engaged. I actually ended up losing the ring when I went to the beach. The damn thing fell into the sand. I can’t keep an item of jewelry for longer than a couple years. I always lose that shit.

DF
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Good post Roosh and excellent comments from Roissy as usual.

I once dated a girl that had the audacity to tell me, “two carats, nothing less.” I nearly spit my drink out in her face when I heard that. I have to admit that I don’t know what was more astonishing to me, her statement or the fact that she was an average looking girl with the gall to say something so outlandish to a stranger. I ran into her recently, having not seen her in about a year, and she desperately wanted to know why I never called her back even suggesting that we go out again. It was truly gratifying telling her that my GF wouldn’t appreciate it.

lmntalattraction
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Ok, I’m gonna have to disagree with you here.

I don’t buy into the whole diamond industry company line, and I’m totally with you on having better things to spend a lot of money on than a gaudy, pretentious ring. That said, I appreciate the symbolism, and if I’m gonna buy a ring to symbolize my commitment to spending the rest of my life with someone, I’d rather have it stay there forever than come off to be replaced by a different one. I say wear’em both together.

namaste
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couldn’t agree more. i pity the fool who ever gives me a diamond, for he clearly doesn’t know my priorities. diamond rings are socially and morally irresponsible. a way for a man to say “i spend my money to own this woman so that she can’t have sex with anyone but me” and a woman to say “i can be bought”. and meanwhile, both are implicitly stating that they believe that human slavery in diamond mines is a good thing. hmm.

i propose putting 15% of both peoples salaries into investments, taking 1/4 of it and going on a long, kick-ass and extremely exotic honeymoon-like vacation every year of their marriage. somehow i have a feeling that it will be happier and a promise really worth keeping.

Jay Gatsby
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Whether you agree or disagree with the concept of a diamond engagement ring, they are still the current reality. The practice of wearing an engagement ring and a wedding band is also the current reality, and doing so is, in fact, a way for a woman to show off her bling.

han
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Roosh,

Good post. I’ve said this for a long time. Women these days are sheep when it comes to engagement rings.

Han

DC Economist
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Roosh,

You’d be proud. My fiancee did not want a diamond. We went with a sapphire. And when we were looking at a ring for her, she turned to me and asked “Do you want one?”

That’s a giver. I’ve got a very nice man-gagement ring. It would leave a very good impression into any numbskulls forehead.

Total cost was less than a 2 carot diamond…for both rings. We’d rather save our money for retirement, and maybe get a nicer bed.

CDP
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Roosh –

I’m with you on this. The hope is one would have the foresight to choose a ladyfriend who has the same values, namely not blowing money on dumb crap when you can use it to build a better life together. There is a happy medium in there somewhere though, you can buy something that makes her feel special and loved while not breaking the bank (this could be sapphire, or a band, or whatever it is she likes).

The origin of this tradition could be based in basic economics though, right? An expensive ring basically signals to all of the parties involved that the groom is saying “Hey, I won’t do this very often. This shit is expensive”, essentially ensuring a modicum of monogamy.

Red
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I’ve been married and had the ring and the band and if I were to ever get married again I would prefer to skip the traditional engagement ring and just have a nice band.
Put the money towards something more fun like a vacation.

Phil
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I have no problem buying my lady a ring -it’s a piece of jewelry and women like jewelry (nothing wrong with that) – but you’ve got it backwards….most women will not berate you for trying to argue either against the ring entirely or to lessen it’s size…..they will agree with you so as not to appear greedy, then secretly resent you for the rest of your life.

Beefy McManstick
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You know the easiest way out of this one? The Jewelry Factory in Bethesda.

http://www.jewelryexchange.com/store.aspx?storeID=34

You can by 1 Carat diamonds for under a grand, because they’re flawed. Not that she can tell, unless she looks at it under one of those diamond microscope things. And if she does, dump her ass.

Anyway, she gets her status, and you save the hit on your wallet, everyone is happy. Well, you’re happy and she’s oblivious, which is just the way it should be.

Jewcano
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The only point of a big-ass diamond is so a girl has material evidence to her girl friends that she hooked a sucker. There is also the slight value of the ring in showing the in-laws that their baby isn’t running off with trailer trash, but if it takes a ring to do that, you’re on the cold side already. I have never, ever heard of a dude that demanded his girl wear a big rock to boost his own ego (maybe I just don’t hang around giant pricks.)

Most guys are about as good at shopping for jewelry as most women are for shopping for power tools. They really have no idea what they’re looking for, so someone cons them into buying the biggest and most complicated looking thing just above their price range. Bad idea all around.

I always thought if the man and the woman love each other then she’d be happy with a ring that decodes secret messages. What ever happened to it being the thought that counts?

Mandy
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Roosh, I actually am an example of a girl under 40 (I just turned 23) who has an heirloom ring from my grandmother. My future husband won’t even need to buy me an engagement ring, because I’m planning to wear her ring and honor her memory. And yes, I will be wearing it with my wedding band, or at least until I have kids because I can’t imagine going to the park and playing with them at the same time as worrying about scratching them or hurting the ring.

Anyway, I guess my point is this: when you see a woman wearing an engagement ring with her wedding band, don’t stereotype her. Not all women are gold-diggers, and sometimes she is honoring a deeper meaning than her own market value.

AH
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This post reminds me of the AmEx ad where the guy goes to buy an engagement ring with his girlfriend and the ring’s price is higher than his card limit.

His future fiance looks at him and tells him to get an AmEx card because it has no limit.

Yeah, I wanna marry that broad!

Dagny T.
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Jewcano,

I think perhaps the problem with guys who insist on “impressive” engagement rings is that they are not as equipped as you suggest?

I don’t think it was so much about ego boosting, as the protection from competition. The larger the ring, the more obvious the signal that the woman is someone else’s property.

Eastern European
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Well, I never bought any ring to anyone, including my wife. We did not have engagement (which I consider stupid old tradition), so there was no need for the engagement ring. Heh, we don’t even have wedding rings. I refuse to wear any jewelry, so I told my wife that if she wants a ring, I’ll get only one. She said she didn’t, and we saved the money for honeymoon vacation.

tomteboda
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Emilie Post, the venerable maven of etiquette, had quite a bit to say in 1922 on the matter of the engagement ring. Interestingly, her book puts to rest the modern mythology that DeBeers created the diamond ring as a symbol of engagement in the mid 20th century. Use of the diamond in engagement rings tracks back to the 13th century (and engagement rings long before that). An engagement ring is considered a “conditional gift”, that is, it remains the man’s property until the wedding occurs. In fact, proper observation of etiquette requires that no gift be exchanged between an affianced couple that would be difficult to return.

Returning to Emily Post, she noted that “the accepted suitor usually consults his betrothed’s taste—which of course may be gratified or greatly modified, according to the length of his purse—or he may, without consulting her, buy what ring he chooses.”

So etiquette had no strictures on a 3-month salary, nor on blind obligation to either the woman’s taste or the man’s preference. After all, he buys the ring (but she’ll wear it, and the whole purpose of a gift is to give someone you love something that they will love).

“A solitaire diamond is the conventional emblem of “the singleness and endurability of the one love in his life,” and the stone is supposed to be “pure and flawless” as the bride herself, and their future together—or sentiments equally beautiful. There is also sentiment for a sapphire’s “depth of true blue.” Pearls are supposed to mean tears; emeralds, jealousy; opals, the essence of bad luck; but the ruby stands for warmth and ardor: all of which it is needless to say is purest unfounded superstition.

Emily Post was quite certain that, in the end, the couple should have whatever stone setting they desire, whether it is imbued with tradition or personal meaning.

“In the present day, precious stones having soared far out of reach of all but the really rich, fashion rather prefers a large semi-precious one to a microscopic diamond. “Fashion,” however, is merely momentary and local, and the great majority will probably always consider a diamond the only ring to have.

It appears that even in the 1920s, when our grandparents were getting engaged, that size mattered to a great many and the actual diamond to others.

“The wedding ring must not be put above the engagement ring. On her wedding day a bride either leaves her engagement ring at home when she goes to church or wears it on her right hand.”

It was generally understood that the wearing of the engagement ring was obligatory through the engagement period and optional afterwards. This is not to say it was bad taste to wear it afterwards, but the wearing would be subject to the size/expense of the stone (it is one thing to keep track of a ring for six months and quite another for twenty years) as well as the conditions under which the bride was to then work.

Roosh, you’re perfectly right that the engagement ring, if only to be worn for a couple of months, would be silly. However, it is a lifetime ring for the bride, a piece of jewelry she can choose to wear daily or only on special occasions. The only etiquette “do not” is to keep an engagement ring for a dissolved engagement, or to wear one after a divorce.

paris ass goiter
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just a little FYI: not all diamonds are mined by slaves and obtained by using cruelty. maybe do a little research and not spend so much time watching leonardo dicaprio movies, people.

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A diamond is inherently worthless, yes. It’s a chunk of carbon. And it seems ridiculous to throw so much money at one ring.

But I’ll state the obvious and say that they’re symbolic. When you give a girl a diamond ring, you’re telling her that she’s worth it. She’s worth anything in the world. And its on her finger, for the world to see (and her ego of course).

It’s a natural concept in the world. It’s just like a peacock grows colorful feathers, DESPITE the fact that it makes him much more vulnerable to predators. The feathers are his way of saying to potential mates that he is so “fit” genetically that he can overcome the disadvantage of his colorful bouquet of feathers.

azuzuru
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I nearly got engaged to a girl who told me, point blank, that I had to spend $20K on her engagement ring.

It was at that point the little voice in my head became a deafening — “eject eject eject!!” Thank the Lord I listened.

Needless to say, she’s still single 3 years later. And now she’s 36.

em
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I just got engaged. yippee My fiance is a corporate attorney with a huge international law firm. I told him that if he spent more that $2500 on a ring for me, I would say no. A $30,000 ring (minimum going rate amongst his colleagues) compounded annually or invested in a mutually fund for the next 20 or 25 years probably means at least 2-5 years earlier retirement, or a full year’s dream vacation for our 10 year anniversary. I tried on the 3.5 carat princess cut and it just wasn’t “us”. I would rather have time to spend with my man than a giant boulder on my finger. I have the most beautiful wedding band as engagement right, less than .38 carats total…it it says all it needs to about me, my man, and our relationship. I just wish more women my age (26) would realize this. The whole industry is such a scam.

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i realize no one is reading this anymore, but i had to respond to the post by Roosh: i have never in my life seen a woman under the age of 40 with a pass-me-down heirloom.
Well, guess what? My sister and I both have heirloom pieces and were married under the age of 40 (though i am fast approaching that age now…..)She has my grandmother’s and i have my mother’s. Just had to throw in my two cents. We are out there, all young women are not materialistic. Some of us just don’t need to whole world to know that we are “worth it”. It’s called self-esteem. These silly bitches should get some.

Anonymous
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I to know no one is reading this any more, but have to respond.

I am a young woman recently engaged, and I never once asked for a big ring, in fact, had my ring cost much more than it did I prolly would have taken it back to the store with his permission. It cost maybe 150 bucks, white gold with a blue diamond. Its small, and perfect. I plan on wearing it after the wedding, does that make me someone who wants to flash my guys income. nope.

Try aiming you rant where it really belongs, and big engagement rings, not women who wear them after the engagement.

Noel
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“retarded trend” Really? A different word could be used.