What Are You Waiting For?

“The infinitesimal place I take up is so tiny compared to the rest of space where I’m not, and which has nothing to do with me; and the portion of time given me to live is so negligible next to the eternity in which I haven’t existed and won’t—while in this atom, this decimal point, the blood courses, the brain works, and wants something also… What an outrage! What nonsense!”
—-Fathers and Sons by Ivan Turgenev

Sometimes I wonder how it will feel like when my time is up. Will I be conscious of the last breath I take? Will there be a moment of awareness after my heart stops? When clinically dead, will I be able to feel or sense anything, suggesting that the electrical impulses in my head ramp down slowly, or will it be more like an on-off switch where things fade to black? I wonder how it will feel the second I know I’m going to die, assuming I don’t get a bullet in the head or find myself in an exploding airplane. I like to think it will be a moment of blissful resignation, but I wouldn’t rule out a combination of sheer terror and unfathomable fear.

I don’t believe in an afterlife or a soul. When you die, you die, and everything that you are disappears from the earth, only to be remembered briefly by your ancestors or works. I can’t think of anything more cruel—to be given life and the opportunity to grow and change and experience and love and have it all taken away from you, as if it was all for nothing, nothing but nature’s joke on you. It won’t matter how many women I’ve slept with. It won’t matter how well-traveled I was, how many languages I was able to speak. It won’t matter how many expensive things I was able to accumulate. And all those books I’ve read, those tasty dishes I learned to prepare—for nothing! All those experiences I learned from, some that helped me become a better person, all for naught.

But no matter how meaningless, insignificant and absurd human existence is, I feel very alive right now. I can feel pleasure and pain, happiness and disappointment. I can shape how I want to live the current moment and do just a bit of planning to help assure future moments feel great as well. Though I’m very skeptical of free will, as each of us are limited by and dependent on too many factors outside our control, I do have enough power to make marginal and sometimes significant improvements. There are things I can do to more often hit the pleasure centers in my brain, helping push aside those poisonous existential thoughts that inevitably lead to depression and melancholy.

The worst thing about life—death—is also the best thing, because I know that my time here is limited, and it’s best spent pursuing what I want, and nothing less. I look at people who postpone, waiting to act, either for some type of miracle or maybe the arbitrary flip of the calendar year in the form of a “resolution,” and I think to myself, “Don’t these people know that one day they’re going to die?” Maybe they forgot, and won’t be reminded until someone close to them passes away, or when they themselves go through a serious health scare, but by then it may be many times harder to make any sort of meaningful change.

But I don’t forget. That’s why today I will wake up and do what I want to do, in the place that I want to be. It won’t be a perfect day as I am bounded by the human experience, but the parts that I can affect and mold are being affected and molded. And if you tell me I’m going to die tomorrow I’ll just shrug my shoulders at you, because before I take my last breath I know I’ve done everything I possibly could to live this meaningless, insignificant and absurd life to the absolute best of my ability.

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Krauser
10 years ago

When you ponder life-the-universe-and-everything you realise it has no meaning. It really is a gigantic, cold, heartless place with no special place for you.

So you turn your attention to other things.

Krauser’s last blog post: Am I becoming a heartless bastard?.

Brad
Brad
10 years ago

Certainly one of the greatest posts you’ve EVER written.

Jason
10 years ago

Love it!

Jason’s last blog post: Colombian Music Besides Shakira.

bon
bon
10 years ago

Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

I don’t hate high school kids because they have everything in front of them, and youth.

I love everyone, even old people.

I’ve come from the very bottom and now am on top. I love life. I’d like to find a woman that does also, and we can love it together. Isn’t that the point?

Evan
10 years ago

These sort of internal existential debates are worthwhile only up to a point. That point is just to remind yourself that at a certain level the meaning of what you do and the metaphysical order of things is difficult or impossible to verify. Why get lost in that or care? What kind of animal actively forgets its own purpose? You can observe the level at which meaning becomes a tricky issue, but don’t stay there. Get back to the level at which you have measurable, observable agency and control, enjoy it, and work on expanding and cultivating it.

This death crap does nothing for me.

Evan’s last blog post: organizing my jargon.

Anonymous
Anonymous
10 years ago

no offense, but some of your gamer-boy followers are terrible. Painfully obvious they’re trying too hard to be interesting, and spills over into other aspects of their lives. I hope it is just their youth and inexperience, and this is a phase that gamers will outgrow

Anonymous
Anonymous
10 years ago

by the way, your last sentence in this post raises quite a good point.

Gunslingergregi
Gunslingergregi
10 years ago

Yea but roosh of you really and truly thought there was nothing after why stay just to grow old and die kind of pointless wouldn’t ya think.

Joe
Joe
10 years ago

This is great, Roosh.

I started the day out feeling sort of shitty. Reading this has been uplifting and will serve as a nice preface to the rest of my day.

Oke
Oke
10 years ago

I love this post. Absolutely love it. It is funny because my novel that I’m writing is about this and how we have to find purpose in our lives for ourselves. My main character is at a point in his young life that he realizes that the next step is either to do what everyone else is doing, make his own path, or simply end it right then and there.

I always say that knowing that death is in the future is a unconscious countdown clock and motivation to do what we want to in the world, knowing that it is pointless in the long run.

Oke’s last blog post: A Good Day at the Tea Shop….

The G Manifesto
10 years ago

“Don’t these people know that one day they’re going to die?”

That is why it makes no sense to ban smoking in bars.

Living life is killing yourself.

Or as James Bond once said:

“You start to die the moment you are born. The whole of life is cutting through the pack with death. So take it easy. Light a cigarette and be grateful you are still alive as you suck the smoke deep into your lungs.”

-MPM

The G Manifesto’s last blog post: Top Ten Reasons Why This Was The Worst Decade Ever.

URF
URF
10 years ago

pretty incredible post…

what are you reading these days???

Mooseface Mac Prooseface
Mooseface Mac Prooseface
10 years ago

Since you are in south america, you should find a good ayahuasqero.

Trevor
Trevor
10 years ago

Read this book Roosh
http://www.amazon.com/DMT-Molecule-Revolutionary-Near-Death-Experiences/dp/0892819278

Its about DMT a chemical found in your body and produced while you sleep. It has been noted that because of this chemical you are able to have dreams. This chemical is also produced all around the world in nature like in some leaves and tree bark. Whats kind of ironic is that even though it is produced in nature it’s an illegal drug. More illegal than heroine!

Now what is very interesting about this is that massive amounts of this chemical pump trought your body when you die and (as crazy as it sounds) when you die or as some put it (a near death experience) you see different realities and dimensions. Many people in the studies claim to see life for what it really is. A mash of consciousness and fractals. Also the pineal gland (where DMT is formed) is the very first part of your brain to be produced when you are born.

I know this sounds crazy. At first I was like man this is some sci-fi bullshit, but it is very real roosh.

Give the book a read it is based on real studies by Rick Straussman.

Laura
10 years ago

Death isn’t the worst part of life. Watching the people you love die first is the worst.

Laura’s last blog post: Top 5 Crime Movies of All Time.

Evan
10 years ago

Laura, you won’t have a valid basis for comparison until you die.

Evan’s last blog post: organizing my jargon.

Gio
Gio
10 years ago

When i can no longer pull hot women i will probably kill myself…..great post roosh….i normally stay away from philosophy and deep thinking but this a great piece…when i was traveling thru brazil i had similiar thoughts myself.

travelstobang
travelstobang
10 years ago

Thank you for this.

Stefan
Stefan
10 years ago

This was one of the most awesome posts I´ve read in the near past.

But I got a question: What about the greater good? Doing whatever it takes to get the most out of your life might mean to hurt others. In whatever, maybe even passive way.

Do you still do it?

Lovechild
Lovechild
10 years ago

You existentialist are a bunch of idiots! Death is an illusion yet we’re afraid of it of our wrong thinking and false belief (aka false progamming) in our heads! There’s only life! Death is just like a metamorphosis. Hell, even Quantum Physics tells us energy cannot be exterminated, it can only change from one form into another. That’s what our consciousness and spirit it’s eternal. But our society, our false belief and our senses brainwashed us to believe in to materialist context so much that we believe that…oh we’re gonna die, we’re screwed!

Again do your research on Out of Body Experience, Mysticism, even the Occult (which I’m studying Right Now!)

Man we laugh at all you because of how stupid all of you are. In a way existence is a joke on us that WE started because of our Ignorance and Stupidity! hehehe!

P.S.
Death has a purpose too. I forgot who Japanese Zen Master told it but he said “The Shadow of Death gives Point and Meaning into Lives” In other words, use that urgency that death brings us to make our lives productive and happy!

Lee
Lee
10 years ago

I want to die in my sleep.
Not kicking and screaming like the rest of the people in the car.

Anonymous
Anonymous
10 years ago

“…all for naught.”

Pure contruct of the ego that creates, “The Story of me.” The story of me is an illusion worshipped by th ego. Roosh, you may find your end “game” is on shakey ground.

Carl Sagan
Carl Sagan
10 years ago

Well then, will a little fame distract you? Look at the speed of universal oblivion, the gulf of immeasurable time both before and after, the vacuity of applause, the indiscriminate fickleness of your apparent supporters, the tiny room in which all this is confined. The whole earth is a mere point in space: what a minute cranny within this is your own habitation, and how many and what sort will sing your praises here!

Marcus Aurelius – Meditations

Jigar
Jigar
10 years ago

Regardless of any of our views, all the stars will continue their course, they couldn’t pretend to care less if the whole earth exploded, everyone died or both.

Winning Nobel prizes, going to Ivy League schools, being millionaires doesn’t detour them from being eaten by worms in the end.

All our existence is merely a quark in the history of all.

Travel bug
Travel bug
10 years ago

Roosh,

Good ruminations.

Life is scarce.

If something is scarce, it has value.

@Lovechild: it never ceases to amaze me what people tell themselves to keep from acknowledging and embracing the inevitable.