What To Do When You Come Upon A Crossroads

I’ve previously written about what you should do when faced with two decisions that are seemingly equal. While I argued that experiences are in fact equal, the advice only lessens the pressure of deciding, but does not guide you into actually making a choice. Even if two decisions are equal in terms of the long-term benefits and costs, you still need to choose something to proceed with your life.

Almost always, one decision will involve more comfort with less upside in reward while the other involves more hardship with a greater upside in reward. If you never want to go wrong, if you never want to experience deep regret, simply pick the harder option.

With the harder option, you will learn new skills or build stronger character that stays with you long after the decision plays itself out. In other words, the harder options builds lasting strength (at a cost of difficulty or more strenuous work). The comfort option is likely not to build strength and may be dangerous in that it causes you to lose skills or create an aversion within you to hard tasks that are most essential to your self-development. If you ever meet an average man with an average life, rest assured that he picked the easier option every time. If you don’t want to be average, you must not do the same.

This piece of advice ultimately depends on what type of man you want to become. If you want to be bathed in comfort and relaxation with electronic devices, internet, and mind-altering substances, you should not listen to me. But if you want to become an excellent man, the best path is the hard path, because that is how excellent men are made. Comfort should be no more than seasoning in your life.

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  1. Remy May 2, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Good post. Have you ever heard of a “Weighted Average Decision Matrix”? If you’re faced with two options and you aren’t sure where to go with them, you write down all of the things that are important to you, then write down in numbers how each option ranks to each life factor.

    Do some math, and at the end you’ve converted your choice into two different numbers. The higher one is the ‘better choice’.

    And you’re right, the higher one is usually the harder one.

  2. Molnár András May 2, 2014 at 9:27 am

    I would add, always choose the option which gives you more freedom.

  3. Xavier May 2, 2014 at 10:38 am

    I’m at a cross roads-
    Bucharest or Krakow for a bang mission?

    1. anon May 2, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      That is stupid. If you just want sex, go to Scandinavia where it is easy and dirty. If you want quality for an STR, Russia or Belarus, if marriage go to Central Asia.

      Everything else is wasteland. In both Poland and Romania there are many obstacles before sex, so going just for sex is stupid. For a relationship, if you are going to jump through hoops, might aswell do it for the highest quality in the FSU.

      1. Xavier May 2, 2014 at 2:35 pm

        Are you for real?

        You actually believe Russians look better than Scandinavians!!??

        To be blunt- tall blonde Vikings vs people who have been raped and controlled by Mongolians (my friends say Slavic Russian chicks look like Mongloids- I don’t agree at all- but they often do have that rounded Asian face symmetry among white girls in Russia bcuz Mongolians raped that shit out of their ancestors after they conquered them). I think Ukranians look better but…
        And it’s a big butt…
        I need a place with culture food nightlife (good trance and house clubs love heavy metal
        Mosh pits too) and fine girls.
        I think I just need to go to Prague but Bucharest doesn’t suck they are way better in the face than most Polish girls.

      2. Nevsky May 2, 2014 at 2:43 pm

        There is next to no DNA in Russians that originates from Mongolia. If there was any raping that led to pregnancies, the babies may have been aborted/killed. The only non-white ancestry that can be found within Russians comes from Ugric people in Siberia, and even that is a very small amount.

      3. anon May 2, 2014 at 2:48 pm

        Russian girls are significantly more physically attractive, more feminine and have better personalities. Anybody who has had both can attest to this.

        But, they are harder. A pussy is a pussy, so for sex Scandinavia is always the best choice. For STR, where personality matters, FSU is the place. For marriage, Eastern Slavs are bad due to materialism, loose concept of fidelity and lack of binding religion. Therefore for marriage I suggest Central Asia where you get it all, but at the price of an extended dating process. Feminine, not materialistic, family-oriented and strong religion condemning adultery.

      4. Obsidianknight May 2, 2014 at 9:03 pm

        This is false, any so called Mongoloid ancestry would have been eliminated because of the social ostracization and repercussions of such unions.

      5. 4DerBeobachter May 20, 2014 at 9:33 pm

        Russians are the most Aryan of us all, as we originated from the northern Russian steppes. Women from Russia as well as other Slavic countries have very Caucasian looking faces, they are in no way mixed with asian. Asians have never conquered Aryans, every campaign between Aryans and Asians always goes West to East, and not East to West. There is a reason for why we haven’t found ancient Asian bodies in European countries, but have found ancient European bodies in Asian countries.

      6. Guest May 27, 2014 at 12:42 am

        No comment on who is better looking , but the science is clear:
        “Here, we see that modern Russians appear to be the result of two admixture events: one event a few hundred years ago between a population best represented by modern Eastern European populations, and one best represented in our sample by the Oroquen [a Tungusic-speaking people of northern China]; and a second, much older event. […] very ancient East Asian ancestry prior to 500BC, in the case of Russia at least, and a recent event, consistent with approximately Mongol-empire era admixture, together contributing ~10% of DNA in [ethnic] Russians […]”

  4. Sebastian May 2, 2014 at 11:30 am

    I read a while ago a post about some programmers who wanted to make their product unique. They wanted to make it impossible for their competition to copy them.

    Whenever they had two options, they choose the harder one. Their product was one hell of a success.

    I subordinate all my decisions to my value system. I value freedom over everything else. Whenever I have to make a decision, I ask myself which option will increase my freedom.

    1. anon1 May 5, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      >Whenever I have to make a decision, I ask myself which option will increase my freedom.

      damn i need to internalise this

    2. Peter May 8, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      Over the years, your attitude will lead to NOTHING, not even a barrister job. No pain, no gain. And that often means laboring away a few years with NO freedom but reaching a higher goal in the end.

  5. Matt May 2, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    It makes sense indeed to pick the harder option. Upon completion the sense of worth and accomplishment you feel are unparalleled especially if you never thought you could achieve something like that.

  6. Jingo May 2, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    Very powerful post Roosh!

  7. cold feet May 2, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    what if the choice is between getting married or staying single? And the harder choice is getting married?

    1. Roosh_V May 3, 2014 at 6:36 pm

      In the short term, getting married is actually the easier option (companionship, regular access to pussy). Staying a bachelor in a competitive environment is harder.

      1. Banger Hard May 4, 2014 at 7:25 pm

        Roosh where are you having to go to get the prime 18-23 white pussy now?

  8. Big J Boner May 3, 2014 at 1:16 am

    Can you enligten us on what your future works will be on?
    I just ordered your lifes work and am digging the realistic, slap stick humor when you least expect it, emotional clarity (nomwhjnjng or butt hurt just matter of fact get it done mindset), and cultured tone to
    As i was skimming through the ban guides it popped in my head and I was wondering what we should do to come on a-
    Swede (please tell
    Me they aren’t like the Danes)
    Chinese (Bang China has a good ring to it)
    Ethiopian (gotta have some flava in your flags)
    Czech (why are they so fine especially the blondes- the have the earthiness of a German and the ornate symmetry of a Ukrainian- fuckin lethal combo IMO).

    1. K May 4, 2014 at 5:58 am

      Dear Big J Boner,
      I’m from South East Asia myself and would like to advise you that Bang China is a suicide mission. The demographics is so out of quack. Their population structure is skewed to 10 women for every 15 men and even 20 to 10 in some regions. Most Chinese girls are only-childs and are spoiled from childhood. Furthermore, costs of living and pollution in big Chinese cities will wear you out. Bang China has a return-on-investment too low that I wouldn’t even consider it an option.

      Indonesian, Thai, and Vietnamese are better choices. But keep in mind that you will be dealing with very long game. One-night stands are very rare here. I would expect an average of 1 month of seducing before sex (all the girls I know who had one-night stands here are ugly and easy, the type even natives won’t touch, but gringos will due to the “exotic beauty” factor). Harems, on the other hand, can sometimes be spotted.

      Overall, SEA girls (except Singaporean) are very feminine. So if you have a SEA girlfriend, expect to be pampered with home cooked meals and clean homes.

      1. Mike May 4, 2014 at 6:51 am

        Depends I hear white guys do pretty well in China darker tone guys have a harder time as Chinese are racist.

      2. Big J Boner May 4, 2014 at 7:30 pm

        Yeah Asian girls just don’t turn me on like those pasty white his with decent tits. I just want sex so I need to go to Norway or CZ- German girls love me for some reason (they like big Latin penga). Romania and Poland would be my more lower quality exotic spots- nothing gives me a bigger bone than a 5’7 blonde with c cups and up. Big tit pasty blonde girls are my
        Cocks highest urge so ill follow my instincts.

        Good post from you though. Thanks.

  9. Nguyen Improved May 4, 2014 at 12:32 am

    Short succinct but AWESOME post, Roosh. It seems every couple posts there’s some absolute rock hard tenets of life philosophy that you’re handle out free of charge here. The shit you post is really challenging and ‘thought provoking’ in the true sense of the word.. I can honestly say I find myself ruminating on shit I’ve read here long afterwards. Which doesn’t apply to pretty much anything one now finds on the internet – which is mainly rehashed shit in snappier, more fun whizz-bang guises.

  10. reco May 4, 2014 at 9:08 am

    This is a not only a short and succinct comment. But a very perceptive and timely one for me. I am at a point in my life where I have to decide what to do. I am 50ish married two kids and all the trappings of what is ostensibly a successful middle class existence. However I knew something was wrong. I started reading here and other sites like this the past several of months slowly learning about the red pill, recently started participating in more and more dangerous adventures.

    Trying to have my cake and eat it too. Flirting, meeting more women,affairs, trying to basically have a life outside of my regular life, kind of getting near the flame. But I know at some point that I have to make a decision. I cannot do what I have always done. Twenty years ago I took the easy way out like Roosh alludes to. I could have stopped the freight train that was heading straight towards me but I didnt.

    If I can share anything with the younger readers on here is. Dont do what I did. Yeah I got away with successful career and two amazing children that I would not trade for anything. But I also got twenty years of boredom, doubt, and quiet desperation. A life of regret. We talk a lot about approach on here and how regret is worse than rejection. This is so true. Just think of this times 1000. Dont do what I did. Because making this decision after 20 years of marriage and two children, and all the assets to deal with and your own pending age to deal with, is a whole hell of a lot more difficult than it would have been before.

    So I stand like a fool straddled between two worlds. One foot in each world. One is my comfortable blue pill world and the other my new shaky red pill world. And there is this crack that runs between them and the longer I straddle these worlds the wider the crack gets and the more pressing the decision. And the harder the decision gets to make. One side is the amazing hurt and turmoil I would bring to my family if I step to the red pill. The other side is the intense regret and shame I would feel if I step back onto the blue pill side.

    I am a very upbeat person. And i always try to find the best in everything. But I must tell you. I do not know what is best here. Thanks for your words they help more than you know.

    1. Esteban Holder May 7, 2014 at 7:00 pm

      I could have written this post. I have chosen the red pill. My wife senses this and is becoming clingy and desperate. She sees the man in me emerging. She knows her days are numbered with me. She fucked up with me big time.

      My future lies outside of this country. South America first, then most likely southeast Asia. The adventure begins.

  11. Christopher Bear May 4, 2014 at 11:14 am

    awesome. i’m finding this stuff more and more relevant. keep it comin’

  12. Hai May 4, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    I’m on 3x crossroad decision right now , anyone can help ?
    Offer 1 , earn 3000 a month
    Offer 2 , earn 4500 a month
    Offer 3 , earn 5600 a month

    Offer 1 , save 1500 after pay all bills
    Offer 2 , save 3000 after pay all bills
    Offer 3 , save 4100 after pay all bills

    Offer 1 , move to new city 150 km away
    Offer 2 , move to new city 300 km away
    Offer 3 , move to new city 450 km away

    Offer 1 , work day and night shift and need learn new skills
    Offer 2 , work only day shift and need learn new skills
    Offer 3 , work only day shift and not need learn new skills

    1. Papiripupi June 25, 2014 at 11:26 pm

      I’d go with Offer 2, never Offer 1 because 1) new skills 2) saves 1500 more than offer 1 but only 1100 less than offer 3 3)whats distance when every job is 100+kms away? flight tickets are gettin cheaper at least where i live.
      I realize you’ve probably taken your decision already, if so which was it, and how are you doing?

  13. A Man For All Seasons May 4, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    So you’re saying Man Up, and Marry Those Sluts? Marriage is hard, but if you game your woman right, and game your children for that matter, you can create a happy, healthy marriage and family that will last through life’s seasons, and in your old age, you can be surrounded by your loving wife, and adult children, grand children, and great grandchildren. Definitely the harder, riskier option, but the potential rewards if you succeed are the best life has to offer.
    Of course the point of my over-the-top rhetoric is that sometimes the easier path is the more strategic choice. I’m 49, and I look back and find too often, I busted my ass trying to achieve success, and ended up spending years of 80 hour weeks, with not much to show for my time. You work hard on your own business, or working for a small, growing business in a ground floor opportunity, and more often than not, you don’t quite hit it big, you just get by with a comfortable income for twice the effort. Likewise, I busted my ass trying to make my marriage work, with not much to show for that either.
    Now I’m looking for ways to meet my needs with minimal effort and focus more on enjoying myself. I still believe hard work can get a person ahead, but be careful about going all in. Do it for a limited time, be prepared with an exit plan and a rule for evaluating when it’s time to pull the plug.

  14. Chokmah May 4, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    If you never want to go wrong, if you never want to experience deep regret, simply pick the harder option.

    Virgin, beautiful, feminine, modest and family orientated.

  15. Marco May 5, 2014 at 2:18 am

    ,You are Amazing body. lived in those country that you had explained in your books and you were right about all aspects . Thanks for putting it in writing. that was my ultimate Dream that become true .

  16. Romeo is calling May 5, 2014 at 6:18 am

    Great Advice Roosh.
    When are you going back to Poland/FSU?

  17. Class Punk May 5, 2014 at 9:07 am

    I would say the harder path is not always best when its anything that parallels between self-improvement and self-destruction, but that in itself is broader philosophical debate depending on different examples.

  18. Peter May 8, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    This is only true if going the harder way does NOT BURN YOU OUT.

    If you don’t have the Midas touch (and 99% don’t) giving you success fuel all the time, there is a real danger that always going the harder way and never leaning back will wear your out. That’s what they won’t tell you in the self-help books, because it doesn’t sell.