When A Girl Asks You To Buy A Drink

I’ve slightly softened my response to this question over the years. While I still maintain the position that you shouldn’t buy a drink for a girl unless you’ve already kissed her, getting asked this before that isn’t entirely bad because if she was completely unattracted to you, she wouldn’t even ask. It usually means she has neutral feelings but still wouldn’t mind talking to you for another few minutes. This question is a great opportunity to inject game to turn that lukewarm interest into something stronger.

An example of how I recently reacted to this question happened with an early-20s something Danish girl in a Copenhagen bar.

“Why don’t you buy me a drink?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said. “I’ll buy you anything you want.” I smiled at her and made no move towards the bar. Then I said, “Do guys usually buy you drinks?”

“Yeah they do.”

“And why do you think they do that?”

“Because they’re nice!”

“No, they buy you drinks because they want to have sex with you. They think that every drink they buy will put them closer to getting you into bed, but of course it doesn’t. The problem if I buy you a drink right now is I’m not going to respect you, and then I’m not going to respect myself. If we were on a date it’d be different, but we’re not.”

She looked at me with her mouth agape but I remained silent, letting things simmer for a minute. Then I ordered another scotch and said, “But you can have a sip of my drink.” She accepted, but of course didn’t like the taste.

She looked at me and said “I think I like you.” For cold Scandinavian chicks that’s like dropping a nuclear flirt bomb. Then we went to a booth away from her sister and kissed. My response worked because it was a good mixture of hot and cold, where I refused to play by her rules but left the door open for a connection to develop by hinting that I’m capable of human warmth.

Instead of memorizing what I said, it’d be better to work on the beliefs that helped borne this reaction. What principles can you adopt so that when a woman tests you, you correctly respond on-the-fly without having to recite anything like a spelling bee contestant?

I say you should believe no woman deserve gifts or favors unless she does something for you first. That they are expendable and in surplus supply. That respect is earned, and that if things don’t go well with this one, if she doesn’t bend to your will, then in a few minutes another will come along. Believe that anything you do for a woman must be on your terms and on your timetable, never on hers, and that you don’t give a fuck either way if she ends up liking you or not, but if she does there will be an exchange of fun times and fluids.

Believe in those things, and even though your response to the same situation will be completely different than mine, it will still be correct.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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Hughman
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Win of a set, but as you said, the girl has to have some buying temperature to hear you out.

Equally, won’t work in loud clubs. You can’t come across as cool & calm when you have to shout at her to be heard

Brian
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“It usually means she has neutral feelings but still wouldn’t mind talking to you for another few minutes.”

I’ve had far too many women brag to me about deliberately going out with nothing but an ID and milking betas for drinks all night to believe that “usually” is the appropriate word there.

Anonymous
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Its funny how girls just give one response and if you dont accept it and arent a dick about it – they just switch to trying something else or going with things the way you suggest as an alternative. They are like kids….”can I have this” “no..but you can have this” (pause as they think) “ok I accept that”….typical

JL
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I think I’m gonna avoid using this one until my alpha subtext is stronger.

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Anonymous
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Roosh’s response to this girl was a classic example of the “Hannibal Lecture,” named for Hannibal Lector, in which the interrogated turns the tables on the interrogator by calmly articulating all of the latter’s tricks and hidden agendas.

Lector’s power springs from his intelligence, his wit, and his supreme self-respect and sense of dignity, even in the most dehumanizing conditions (that’s what Roosh’s girl was responding to). The serial killer stuff is incidental.

Guys who are smart and not super-handsome and rich should look to Lector as a role model. Ponder how a 53-year slightly pudgy man who lived in a dungeon could become a worldwide sex symbol and you’ll see what I mean.

Anonymous
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Good post,I think the “community” calls this “not getting into her frame” in other words,dont falls into a women terms or shit tests.just stick to yours+let her go into your world.take it or leave it.
The cool thing is that if other women see you talking to another women in a bar setting ,party etc.. and lets say she leaves or gets offended,there will be another women closely moving in on you because women want the guy who another women wants.
Women are stupid this way.They just go crazy.it’s retarded but i’ve excepted it as, stupid things women do.
It’s a good belief system to have in yourself that they are expendable.Because they really are.

Dongthrust
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I treat my cigarettes the same way. They have to work for them or pay for them.

yohami
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win

hydrogonian
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Haha…Just did a search for “Hannibal Lecture”, out of curiosity, and came up with this Hannibal Lecter figurine. The funny part is the grotesquenes and creepiness of the figurine, combined with the back story, and who is selling it:

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4436130&CAWELAID=691665460&cagpspn=pla

Adventure21c
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You seem to be getting even more edge.

Timothy
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Timothy
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That was the response of a truly confident man. Most guys would have either bought her the drink, and subsequently watched her walk away with a smirk on her face, or would have responded with something snide. Instead, he refused her request without actually using the word NO, or something similar that would have caused her to immediately move on to another chump. His display of measured, masculine, confident strength made her pussy so wet she forgot about the drink entirely.

Maya
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I think it’s in poor taste to ask a guy to buy you a drink…maybe it’s just me. If he offers I would say yes (unless he seemed really creepy), but I don’t know, something about flat out asking a guy to buy you one seems lacking in class…but maybe like you said it’s a way for a girl to indicate that she wants to spend more time with you…

Wolf
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Those last two paragraphs should be embossed in gold. This is another great post, Roosh, not for the Game advice given but because it details what is far more essential: Proper beliefs and attitudes. Those are what are missing in most guys Game, not the tips of techniques. More on proper beliefs and attitudes Roosh!

Timothy
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You’re right Maya…it is in poor taste. If a woman wants to express interest in a man, she could simply HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HIM. If that interest is mutual, most men will offer a drink. By indicating interest by immediately asking him to buy something before you’ve even asked his name, it’s as if she’s saying, “pay me up front for my time and attention.”

ABlackGuy
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I agree wholeheartedly. Men need PRINCIPLES above all else. Internalize basic principles, everything else will flow naturally.

Ubermind
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This is brilliant advice. See how actually Roosh just told the truth and was absolutely honest. This is just one of many examples where we can see that game is actually not manipulation but true honesty while normal chivalrious beta behavior is actually based on lies and self-deception and is the true attempt of manipulation.

clot
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clot
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Fuck that beliefs shit, i’m gonna memorize what you said

Mucius Scaevola
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the principles that i follow are to the effect of, play women off of eachother and play your advantage off of other men. your game can be strong, but it doens’t have to be strongest, just stronger than the next guys to allow room for maneuver/error.

strong inner game in and of itself is important to cultivate, but so is the mindstate that all you have to do is be a little better than the next guy in the girl’s eyes. status is in the eye of the beholder. i think this can be an effective crutch on the way to alphadom, to realize you don’t have to drive yourself crazy trying to be the best.

StrikeforceMorituri
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“That was the response of a truly confident man.” That’s exactly what i was thinking as i read that paragraph. I’ll go so far as to say that she softened up because she figured that one sentence explained all she needed to know about you. Please update as to what the cooch tasted like that night.

Phoenix
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Her: “Buy me a drink”
Me: “Ladies first, dear. Buy me a beer. I’ll get you next round”

Timothy
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@22 Phoenix…that works too I think. She’s either with it or not. Let her put the down payment on YOUR attention.If she’s with it, and one of you decides you’re not into the other later on, you broke even more or less.

Anal Alligator
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I always say, “okay, but you buy the first round.”
If she hesitates, eject.

Phoenix
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@Timothy

Yes, it works for some.

The ones who are fishing for easy betas will object to buying me a drink. That’s when I ask them nicely to ‘go away’, like I’m banishing them from my territory.

The ones who DO buy me a drink = we start convo up. I won’t buy her a drink until I’m done with mine. I also have preferences – I never buy a girl shots, or expensive Martinis. My default is Rum + Coke.

tp
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tp
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Very nice post. If you want the most out of this game, it needs to be in your bone marrow.

As you become your own man in your dealings with women, you start to feel the game in a more simple way just as you feel proper balance when riding a bicycle. You acquire female instincts, but you remain persistent as a man while resigning yourself to uncertainty borne from your limitations and her caprice. The game slowly unravels and becomes textured as you displace your ego, whose false self gives rise to bitterness and frustration. You realize that the principles of solid game are also principles for content living and growth extends to other areas of your life.

You reach your peak, and you have an epiphany: just get the bitch drunk.

Anonymous
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im still a big believer in chatting a girl up and then taking her to a cheap motel,banging her,then either call a cab for her to go home or if she preformed well,I may take her thru the drive thru for a milk shake if Im feeling generous before a drop her ass off at her boyfriends house.I’m a busy person+ ROI is so important these days.

William K. Smith
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So buying the drink but lacing it with GHB is out of style now? Damn.

DrG
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DrG
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In all my years of sarging a girl has never asked to buy me a drink. I think this topic is mute as 99% of the time the guy will have to make this move unless he is unbelievably good looking or hitting on girl(s) way below his standards.

sheesh
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@DrG

Yeah, it only happens to those “standing out” looks wise, maybe Roosh is one of them. It has never happended to me, besides, it is typical American behaviour.

CJ
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Nice, Roosh. I like that whole response. This past Thursday I was out, and was looking for a girl I had talked to earlier, but got distracted, as I often do when alcohol is involved. Anyway, I found two girls, and thought one of them might’ve been her, though she was looking a bit less attractive for some reason. Turns out it wasn’t her (I found the better girl later) but one of these girls, no more than 5 minutes into the interaction said, “Why don’t you buy us a drink?” And I politely replied, “Sorry I don’t buy random girls drinks.” I wish I had your elaborate response instead, as they actually got angry that I wouldn’t buy them drinks.

Anonymous
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you are in poland!!!!

pOLAND!

do it!

Timothy
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@CJ…the classic response of the American entitlement queen! To think…a complete stranger would have the audacity to not allow her to play him like a chump!

Dongthrust
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I got a girl a water after she asked for a drink and the girl just about cried and wouldn’t let me talk to her hotter friend anymore. I think the next time this happens, I’m going to order the girl a 3 Wise Man shot and watch her puke on herself or run to the bathroom to do it.

Dongthrust
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Actually, make that a 4 Horsemen shot.

Timothy
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@34 Dongthrust…whoa! You got hit with the “Cockblock Supreme!” I actually respect that chick. She’s honest – she knows her girl is hotter. Instead of getting pushed aside constantly by guys trying to get at her, she’s acting as a gatekeeper, trying to get guys to buy her drinks for the privilege of talking to her. It’s GENIOUS. Even though it didn’t work this time. But…if you buy her a drink that will make her sick, she’ll probably want to leave, and her girls will likely leave with her. Hopefully, while she’s in the bathroom urling, you can secure her hot girlfriend’s number…

Lerpy
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Roosh that was too long. I prefer to have it go this way:

HER: “Are you going to buy me a drink?” or “Why don’t you buy me a drink.”
ME: I could do that, but I think I’d rather buy myself two drinks.

I don’t get women asking me to buy them drinks much (ever, really), but this seems like a quick way to short-circuit it. Asking me to buy her a drink would instantly give me a limpy anyway.

Timothy
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@37…if the girl isn’t attractive, of course you want to end the interaction as quickly as possible. But if she’s attractive, it’s worth it to engage her to see if there can be a payoff, without actually buying a drink, or maybe even getting her to buy YOU one. As you can see, Roosh didn’t buy her a drink, but ended up with his tongue in her mouth instead.

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Life's Good
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A while back, this 8 approached me to buy her a drink. I agreed then we then together walked to the bar. She also had a 7 friend straggling along. I ordered what she wanted. While the bartender prepared the cocktail, she began grinding on me. Her butt was juicy and it felt soft since she had on a dress. I enjoy females grinding on me and if the conditions are right I am known to orgasm about a song’s length into the grinding. However, I didn’t appreciate the swiftness of her asking me for a drink. Therefore, after the bartender prepared the drink I took it from him, walked away, then enjoyed whatever female reddish drink it was with cherries. She and her 7 friend could not believe what happened and let at a loud, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” I walked away feeling accomplished having “brought her down to Earth” as I call it. As I look back though, she may very well have been a prospect for a later bang since she did reciprocate by grinding on me….as if good girls exist in America. Who knows…

Timothy
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…or maybe ALL you would have gotten was grinded on. If she gave up so easily, all she probably wanted was the drink.

Ryan
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Not too long ago I approached this chick to ask her to dance. I swear to god, the next words out of her mouth were “Buy me a drink?” I basically told her no and walked away. I later realized I probably could have banged her anyway if had simply called her on her bullshit (and by extension the bullshit of most other females). My response should have gone something like: “Wow, your game is weak. I don’t know who taught you how to scam free drinks, but you’re doing it all wrong. Don’t worry, I’m here to help.” Roosh is right. If a woman asks you to buy her a drink before the thirty minute mark, don’t be so quick to shoot her down. Instead, make her aware of the game she’s playing. Qualify that bitch.

Merciless
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“dont buy a drink for a lady” that is too old fashioned. if she ask for a drink that means she likes you. thats already a bonus so take an advantage of it and tell her that both of you will spend time together (conversation, kiss, etc) and more than just a drink will follow after.

Anonymous
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Tell her you’d rather buy her breakfast