When The Passion Diminishes

“He tells himself it’s because he’s getting old. Every time something is repeated, it loses a part of its meaning. Or rather, it gradually loses its vital force, that vital force which automatically, inherently, presupposes meaning.”
The Book Of Laughter And Forgetting by Milan Kundera

A couple readers dropped some serious wisdom in a post last week.

From Mike:

After a certain age, around 30, if you’ve had good success with women they just no longer have the same ability to energize you and attract you. At first I struggled against this, but now I just accept it. It could be a physical libido thing, or a psychological thing (once you’ve been fairly successful at it and see what it’s all about, it no longer seems like such a big deal. At first you’re really curious about what a really pretty girl might be like, then you find out, repeatedly, and it’s good but not that special, and you no longer have anything to prove to yourself), or a combination of both, but be aware, Roosh, that you might never get the same old frenetic interest in girls back. It might be gone forever.

From West LA:

When one exhausts an old passion, the common tendency is to try to revive it, but this tends to be futile and wasteful. Better to move on to new passions, keeping the old one in your life in a reduced way, as an enrichment, an enhancement, but not the main thing. You want to avoid stalling into entropy. You want to keep progressing as a person, improving your place in the world and your capacity to get whatever you want (in this big world of diverse options).

It seems the feeling we actually value most is way below the surface of the particulars of the endeavor at hand. Finding yourself becoming indifferent to an old passion (which used to run your life) can be liberating, which can be refreshing, even exhilerating, as you are free to focus on new stuff and get absorbed in it, unfettered by your old obsession.

When I first got into the game most of my pickups were from dance approaches (to hip hop or house music). As I learned talking game the number of dance approaches I did went down until finally I stopped doing them completely. Instead I’d wait for a girl to stop dancing before I engaged her because I could make a stronger connection that resulted in less flaking. Then one night I went out with an old friend who was still into dancefloor game and he pushed me to grind with a couple girls. I couldn’t help but feel lame. I don’t know why but something I did so many times before, and got so much enjoyment from, was impossible for me to do again. So I stopped.

In Rio I had a line that would open girls 90% of the time. Because it was so deadly I got lazy and didn’t try to come up with new material. After a couple months I started to feel like a hack. Even my Danish roommate begged me to stop using the line, though it helped him on a couple occassions. The line worked, and was getting the desired result, but suddenly the process became important—how I succeeded became more important to me than if I succeeded. There had to be some art to it, because I’ve done it without art so many times that I’m merely duplicating past efforts. So I stopped using the line, experimented with several new ones for a month, and come up with something twice as fun that I packed with me to Argentina.

When you have sex enough times, the act itself loses importance. Sex doesn’t have too much meaning for me now but the story behind it can do ten times more to motivate me to keep chasing women than merely sticking another bar slut. Was it unique, different, or extraordinary? If I’m not dying to call my friend afterwards to tell him what went down and how I conquered insurmountable difficulties, then I know I just went through the motions to get my dick wet, that I took one little step closer to being a hack. I don’t know if there’s something genuinely wrong with that, but it’s inevitable that man will put in increasingly less effort into something that doesn’t inspire him.

There’s the often-used analogy that life is like a river, bending around obstacles, strengthening, weakening, always flowing yet eventually reaching a destination. When you try to repeat something you’ve done so many times before, you’re attempting to reverse the flow of the river, a painful and ultimately futile act. Yes it’s sad that something that gave you happiness no longer does so, but holding on will cause you to miss out on the next thing that could give you even greater happiness. Once you’ve squeezed all the juice from a fruit, it’d be foolish to eat the rind.


  1. Tom April 7, 2010 at 9:14 am


    why don’t you send a gift to the world and tell us your killer lines that open 90% of the girls?
    I’m curious. Thanks.

  2. Spaceman April 7, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Roosh, great great post… I think this is one of the reasons I have decided to make the move… I feel like I am going through the motions right now in life, and a move will reinvigorate me.

    very very timely post

  3. FAZ April 7, 2010 at 10:11 am

    This is something that I’m afraid of discovering for myself. I’ve spent so much of my time and effort in the last 2+ years identifying with the pickup culture (in my own way) that I’ve set aside many other areas of my life. I believe I made the right choice, because I was so damn lousy at game that only this degree of dedication and focus was (and still is) absolutely required for me to reach my desired level of proficiency. However, because of all this effort, investment, and life-sacrificing, it would be extremely disturbing to master this skill, only to lose interest in the ease of consistent success. I’ve sacrificed myself to save myself, because I had no other choice… But now, thanks to this post, I’m terrified that I’ll regret this choice once I’ve reached my goal of mastering game.

    But then I think back to other interests that occupied my life in the past, like being a musician, and playing drums 4 hours a day. When I first started playing drums, I was terrible. All I wanted to do was be a good enough to play in a band. That goal was simple. I hadn’t thought or cared about about playing triplets in 11/8 at lightening speed yet. As I get better however, the challenge of constantly improving inspired me to push myself even further. I became obsessed with my skill level to the point of caring more about technical execution than actually creating music I liked. Once I peaked and reached my current level of mastery at the drums, I gradually lost interest in playing drums altogether; especially after realizing how much it had consumed my life. It just became that-same-old-shit.

    A year and a half later, a guitarist at my school was looking for a drummer, and I took up drums again to help him out. This time however, my mind was set on making music rather than perfecting some technical/prof rhythm to show off my mad-skills.

    Sure enough, I really enjoyed playing drums again. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed drumming until I picked it up again after that long hiatus.

    You’ve been focusing on the process, and through repetition it has become an easy, predictable game that you’ve already won. Maybe you need to take a break from woman and sex (no sex for a few months?) you’ll enjoy it more than ever when you come back to it.

    FAZ’s last blog post: Field Report: April 3rd. Make out with Hot Girl.

  4. nathan April 7, 2010 at 11:28 am

    Why was this not categorized under “scary” ?

  5. The G Manifesto April 7, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Really good post, I recently found myself in a somewhat similar mindset.

    Just knocked myself loose this morning.

    – MPM

    The G Manifesto’s last blog post: Porn Doesn’t Philosophize.

  6. Chris O. April 7, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    I stumbled onto a site called bulletproof pimp that honestly changed the way I looked at things. This happened a few years ago. From that, I found VK’s blog, Roissy’s blog and yours. I have been reading them almost daily for a solid dose of inspiration. I have finally begun a blog myself just last week. It mainly deals with the trials and tribulations of being a player in a small town. I live in Sierra Vista, AZ, which could be considered a shithole by many. I’m definitely open to any game tips from those who are making it happen in a place other than the big city as well. Although I am miles beyond where I was, I am still finding my way. Roosh, I value your outlook on life in general and I would appreciate any constructive critcism that you could give me on my blog. Its title is svdog.wordpress.com. I feel like an aspiring rapper trying to get P. Diddy to look at his mixtape. Oh well…. check it out and let me know what you think.


    Chris O.’s last blog post: Fight Night (the ugly).

  7. speakeasy April 7, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Anything gets old after awhile. Our brains are wired to build up an immunity to a repeated stimuli. That’s why junkies need ever increasing doses and alcoholics need to drink half a bottle to get what 2 drinks used to do. This immunity to stimuli keeps increasing until the person ultimately self-destructs.

    Maybe it’s time to throttle back a bit. Not give up the game, just let things lay fallow for a bit so your brain regenerates some of its sensitive to sexual satisfaction. Nothing makes pussy feel as satisfying as a dry spell. Find some other passion on the road and make that your main focus. Perhaps making money, or music(you’re a guitarist right?), or even start up your workshops again and take guys out into the field for the personal satisfaction of helping other guys out to become their best. Life ain’t all about a wet pink hole when it comes down to it.

  8. Carl Sagan April 7, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Solid post.

    Everything goes stale after a little while

  9. Miley April 7, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Too bad you wasted your youth whoring out your loins. What woman would marry you now?? You’ve wasted all your long term potential for a series of meaningless flings.

  10. Simon April 7, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    I think that ideally a situation like this one leads a man to get a better idea of what he is looking for. If it pushes you away from the type of pickup activities that bored you in the past then you’ll foster your life in other areas and become richer for it. Instead of interpreting this as something depressing or ‘scary’ as another poster has mentioned, I think it’s just a normal stage of growth, and will likely result in your qualifications being higher when you look for your next pink starfruit.

    Simon’s last blog post: LMR or Last Minute Resistance. What to do?.

  11. DJ April 7, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    Re: Miley: I always love the random haters on this blog.

    I like West LA’s tip on just reducing game and taking up something else. Maybe you can become an anthropologist, as you have some pretty keen insights on American culture.

  12. zulu April 7, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    changes a-coming!

  13. Pizza Game April 7, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    “he pushed me to grind with a couple girls. I couldn’t help but feel lame. I don’t know why”

    Maybe because you are… THIRTY???

  14. Simon April 7, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    Miley – Really dude? And you think hating behind a computer screen is doing you any good? Roosh has more life experiences in one ass pimple than you’ve had in your entire life.

    Simon’s last blog post: Final Thoughts on Brazil, LMR, AA, Etc..

  15. Roosh April 7, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    “Maybe because you are… THIRTY???”

    This happened when I was 24/25.

  16. Willy Wonka April 7, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    You’re not supposed to stay in this game…. or any other game forever. Everything must come to an end.

    Sometimes you think the passion is gone, but it comes back after a break from the game – see Jay-Z after the Black Album. Michael Jordan after both retirements. Sometimes you miss something and your passion comes back and moves you to pursue it again – I’m going through something similar. I gave up grinding in the street every day to make a dollar 3 or 4 years ago, didn’t miss it at first, but now I miss it like crazy. My passion is driving me to go back, and I know I can do it so much better than before.

    Life is crazy like that sometimes.

    But yeah, when it comes to this game, I know I’d get sick of it someday and I would welcome that. Some things are meant to only last a short while.

    Another Jay-Z example….
    In 1999, Big Pimpin’, “Me give my heart to a woman? Not for nothing, never happen/ I’ll be forever mackin’….”
    2008, he married Beyonce.

    Shit changes.

    Willy Wonka’s last blog post: Flakey Girls and/or Sketchy Technology… smh.

    1. Roosh April 7, 2010 at 7:44 pm

      Now now I don’t want this to signal an end to the game, but a movement to new directions within the same bubble

  17. Sally Cinnamon April 7, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    Is the intense need to strive, conquer and move on, regardless of the pursuit/activity, an alpha tendency and therefore the ultimate Catch 22 of being successful at game?

    You want to master game and to do so you must be an alpha, but once you have mastered it then it is your very alphaness that leads to your discontent?

    Commenters have said that you have to forgo the pursuit of sex in order to rekindle your desire for it, but surely what they are saying is you need to deny your very alphaness.

    Mediocrity doesn’t sit well with the men I find myself drawn to.
    Can an alpha male willingly descend into mediocrity with regard to game?

  18. Travel bug April 7, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    Roosh I’ve probably gamed about 1/10 as much as you have, and I’m sick of hunting as well.

    I’ve always thought of the guys like Hugh Hephner and Richard Branson who have funneled their energy into other endeavers which have given them a plethora of women as a secondary reward for their other success.

    When you step back and think, it’s a shitload of energy, effort and stress that we put into the bang. What’s to show for it after it all besides some notches, memories, and maybe a little self-improvement?

    True this way of life is superior to not learning game and getting no action or getting married. But there’s more. I’m sure of it, and pussy will seem like peanuts when one’s mind elevates to a new level.

    Now we’re breaking new ground.

  19. phillipmarlow April 8, 2010 at 12:06 am

    This happens to creative/intelligent people. Hyper-focus and concentration to master a skill until you reach burnout and need to unwind or pursue other ventures/ADventures.

    phillipmarlow’s last blog post: Wikipedia Quote Regarding Rockefeller.

  20. Lee April 8, 2010 at 12:16 am

    i think speakeasy has got a point. You’ve built up tolerance. Lay off women for 2 months and you won’t be saying this shit anymore.
    go fishing and hunting. It would do a city boy good. Probably why you were so into hunting girls… you never got to shoot a bear when you were a kid.
    It’s late and I’m drunk.

  21. Sally Cinnamon April 8, 2010 at 5:31 am

    Phillipmarlowe –
    I don’t see it as a trait of creative or intelligent people, but more that of males.
    Women don’t seem to have to same need to prove anything to anyone else, or even to themselves.
    To do so is regarded as somewhat unfeminine.
    No man is attracted to a woman because she is really good at a sport or a job or anything, but an unattractive man who excels at something will attract women.
    Women like to be impressed by talent/status/skill, but don’t need to display any of these qualities themselves in order to impress men – in fact it works against us.
    Feminism has told women that they don’t need male approval, but it’s bullshit because we crave it and the only way we really want to receive it is by a man finding us attractive enough to want us.
    No woman had ever thought, oooh if I get really good at hacky sack I can score some hot dudes with my mad skills.
    If you are ugly then you are still shit out of luck.
    I bet Shaun White has no trouble getting women and objectively he is fugly, but I bet women swooned when he stood on that Olympic podium and air guitared the National Anthem.

  22. Rollo Tomassi April 8, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    Here’s a secret – there’s no such thing as contentment. Being content implies that life is static, it’s not, and to be honest, how boring would that be anyway? Life consists of varying states of discontent: why else would you bother doing anything? But the good news is that it’s more fun and more beneficial to manage discontent than to endure contentment (which you can’t anyway since it’s transitory at best).

    The trick is to understand that there are 2 kinds of discontent – creative and destructive discontent. What you choose to do with that discontent makes all the difference in the world. You will only get what you’ve gotten if you keep doing what you’ve done. Don’t allow yourself to fall back into old destructive habits of dealing with discontent. Don’t bother with anti-depressants and self-help books when a good hard workout at the gym would serve you better.

    The truth is I’m always discontent, but creatively so. The minute you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see, you’re sunk. You can always improve, even after achieving things that were very important and difficult to attain. Happiness is a state of being, it’s in the ‘doing’ not the ‘having done.’

  23. Athlone McGinnis April 8, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    I wish I had this problem.

  24. Twat April 9, 2010 at 7:09 am

    Roosh, you’ve a while to go yet before you get to a lay count in Gene Simmons or Hugh Heffner range so quit with the ridiculous self-absorbed PUA-emo act. Said gentlemen were banging x10 the quality you are and never got sick of it (though that might be the reason). Honestly who couldn’t see this post coming from the day you started blogging? Probably been looking forward to making it since then.

    (Out of interest, not that you’ll tell the truth, but what is your life time lay count?)

    1. Roosh April 10, 2010 at 3:10 pm

      Twat: Nice hate, until mentioning that those celebrities put in 0.1% of the work for each notch than I do. I don’t think I’d be sick of pussy either if it rained magically from the sky.

  25. Defecator Den April 10, 2010 at 11:20 am

    Life’s a river, river flows
    Roosh keeps on going, fuks the hoes

  26. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Had to Get Away Edition

  27. Joe August 5, 2013 at 3:15 am

    If you guys want to talk political enlightenment you need some Eustace Mullins and Nesra Websrer up in this bitch. Add a dash of Ezra Pound to. It’s all simple this shit is Rothschilds to Rothschilds using Adam Weishaupt to pimp the white worker drones.