In my mid 20’s I bought the idea that I could create my own lifestyle from scratch, not based on consultations from wise men or guidance from church and family, but from my own desires. After years of work, I successfully created a lifestyle that satisfied the desires I had in that particular stage of my life, but once those desires changed, I was stuck with a lifestyle that no longer served me, and unsure of what to do next.
There are two ways that men design their lifestyles. The first is within their city, where they try on the party lifestyle, player lifestyle, hipster lifestyle, or so on to transform themselves into the person they want to be. The second way is to uproot themselves completely and find their identity abroad using the travel or nomadic lifestyle, partly because they reject their own culture for having faults they perceive are insurmountable.
The need to develop a lifestyle comes from not liking where you are, who you are, or what you have, combined with a belief that the grass is greener. The actual design of your lifestyle is therefore mainly guided by the emotional or egocentric part of you that has desires and aches for something else. Already, I’m sure you can see the folly of designing a lifestyle based on desire, which is transient and can never be fully sated. Many men such as myself used their desires to design a grand lifestyle that included slaying poosy, making money, and traveling the world, which was nice for a time, until inevitably you arrive at a road block where you’re forced to ask, “Is this it?” You reach your goals but lose momentum, feel empty again, and start desiring new things.
It never happens that you ego says, “We achieved our goals and now that’s enough. We can relax!” Having the lifestyle you always dreamed of is not enough for you to stop desiring for more, though of course it’ll be fun for the 3 or 5 or 10 years you didn’t have to think about the hard questions of what comes afterwards.
Why is “lifestyle design” popular?
Lifestyle design has become so popular among both men and women because meaning and purpose have been removed from their lives, particularly god, family, and tribe. Without those, you have nothing to ground your existence on, and begin gravitating towards creating a lifestyle that you use as a program to live, but that lifestyle will not provide you with permanent meaning. In other words, designing and living a lifestyle is mere busy work for the lost soul who doesn’t know exactly what his life is for.
I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s quite arrogant for one man to think that he can ignore human nature and wisdom from men long gone to think he will find the one way that provides the most joy and entertainment for him, and that he will be able to evaluate all the multitude of ways to live, the thousands of foods to eat, the hundreds of countries to live in, and the millions of girls available to date in order to spit out the one correct answer for him that is the most optimal. It’s quite impossible, and I know this because I’ve tried.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try yourself, but your brain will become clogged with so much information that you’ll eventually be paralyzed when it comes to making decisions, both easy and hard. For example, for the past two years I’ve been completely stuck on where I should live, and no analysis I’ve done has given me the correct answer. This is because there is nothing in my genetics that was designed for me to process so much information in designing my life and choosing the best city in the entire world to live in, yet today we’re encouraged to do so, especially by YOLO cultural messages in entertainment and advertising that show us how having a lot of sex and traveling will certainly make a man happy.
Lifestyles can only create temporary happiness
You’re set up to fail the second you believe that a certain lifestyle will make you happy, because you don’t have the genetic wiring or ability to determine which lifestyle is best based out of the billions of combinations available, and even if you did, you’d likely adapt to it and see diminishing value over time. Therefore, the pursuit of an optimal lifestyle is a foolhardy endeavor that will not give you as much long-term satisfaction as you believe. Unless it’s in your nature to seek out adventure or to be a natural playboy, I can’t personally advise men to engineer their lives in the way that I did.
I certainly feel more wise from my lifestyle journey, and can now sell more books and get more blog hits from all that I’ve learned, but I don’t feel like a “better” or “happier” person. I’m the same man in the same skin whose body happened to pass through these cities and towns and make love with these women and those, but ultimately my essence, nature, and soul remains unchanged.
While I don’t regret pursuing the lifestyle I did, if I had the meaning in my life that my grandfathers had, I wouldn’t have thought that traveling the world and banging hoes would have benefited me. But us men don’t have what our ancestors had, so we think achieving such a lifestyle will benefit us. We fantasize and hope that future trips, women, and money will complete us and make us feel that we’ve arrived, but it rarely does, and all we can do is wonder why.
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