Withholding Sex

Previously, I said:

If I was a girl, I wouldn’t sleep with guys so soon. This advice cockblocks me, but the best defense—to a man whose main goal is to sleep with girls as fast as possible—is to wait, especially since most guys are only willing to have sex with you once and never again. You don’t want to put out until a guy shows time investment.

I believe this advice to be sound, but there is a downside in sex withholding: he may see you as asexual.

Say I go on five dates with a low maintenance but conservative girl who rejects all my sexual advances, and on all those dates I do not have an orgasm. What happens is I get used to this and see her as a girl less likely to give me sexual pleasure. As a result, I voluntarily put my junk in a lockbox. After a dog is used to being on a leash, he loses the will to escape. If you attempt to tame your new man’s desire, you sap his sexual energy—what makes him a man.

Sexuality is needed to create sexual tension. If you keep your sexuality under wraps, there is no sexual tension. If there is no sexual tension, the man will not be sexually interested (unless he’s a beta), and will be less willing to invest time into you. If you are going to postpone sex, get on your knees by date two, grab his dick on the dance floor, and whisper nasty things in his ear to let him know you are a sexual freak worth waiting for. Otherwise you may be perceived as frigid woman who can be better used as a lady friend to pick up other girls who would make more suitable lovers.

Your game has to be tight if you want to postpone sex. If you don’t have tight game, your best bet is to have sex with him soon because that may be your best way to keep his attention. If you are not sure whether your game is tight, and by game I mean an vibe and attitude that regularly draws and hooks men, then it’s not.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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The Brooklyn Boy
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Amen, brother. Sex is one thing, but if no seed has been spilled within the first few dates, clearly she’s frigid and/or selfish as fuck. Like you said last week – blue balls hurt.

miik
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miik
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the most joyful things in life are free to those who spark the desire in healthy women

Nikita
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Nikita
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So I just checked out your breakdown of good vs. bad girl game. I agree with the basic “confidence vs. insecurity” analysis, but I have kobe beef with your inherently problematic assertion about the role of sex in good game. On the one hand, you argue that a girl should put out as quickly as possible, but then you argue that she’ll reveal classic “bad game” if she exhibits any regret after sleeping with you. Your assumption appears to be that every worthy girl you want to bang will necessarily want to bang you too, on your terms and within your ideal timeframe.

But if: a) you’re effectively pressuring a girl (implictly or explicitly) into putting out within the first five dates, b) you’re compounding this expectation with your underlying implication that any girl who doesn’t give it up immediately is frigid or asexual, and c) you’re using all of your allegedly amazing powers of seduction to get her to concede– then there’s a good chance that the girl in question will, in fact, fuck you before she’s actually mentally/emotionally ready to do so. (And don’t give me some bullshit about how “good game” women live in the moment and therefore aren’t constrained by emotion– the full depth of our feelings sneaks up on us sometimes, even retroactively.) For me, sex is kind of like Christmas– if I open all my presents early, then the best part of celebrating the actual holiday is gone, and the toys I unwrapped aren’t fun anymore, because they just remind me of my reproachable lack of self-restraint.

While experience has taught me to pace myself/ give my mind time to catch up with my sprinting libido, I have occasionally felt pressured into doing more than I wanted to do before I wanted to do it. And almost without exception, I peaced out on those guys afterwards because I felt shitty about the whole thing and didn’t respect myself any more than I felt like they respected me. No matter that the intellectual chemistry was great and we seemed to have a sustainable vibe going– all of that was negated the minute I chose to/he let me (ahem) jump the gun.

My advice is this: if an apparently quality girl seems hesitant about sleeping with you right away, don’t push it. If you’re perceptive about her comfort-level/limits, and give her the time she needs to see you as more than an eager penis, then she’ll be far more likely to sex you more than once– and probably in a really wild/ enthusiastic/ no-holds-barred kind of way.

Or you could just settle for a lifetime of serial one-hit punani. Whatevs.

GerryAllwin
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The old way that was time-honored for thousands of years in civilized societies, including nomadic as we use “civilized” to mean, was to keep unmarried girls/women separated from men until the deal was made. Their “first date” was their wedding “night,” which could be in the morning or the middle of the day. Intercourse was a 100% guaranteed sure thing. If she was hesitant or refusing, a considerate man would kindly make love to her but continued resistance was out of the question. Intercourse would take place within a few hours at most, normally repeatedly until he was exhausted.
Since sexual contact with a woman was forbidden during menstruation and any other time of vaginal discharge, a wife got a rest during those times.
As by the evidence of prostitutes a woman can have intercourse many times a (24 hour) day with no problems, there was no reason for a wife to refuse her husband except during her periods. Vaginas don’t get worn out; they can tolerate frequent proper use, as long as not injured, more often than he can provide service.

The Brooklyn Boy
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Nikita – Note Roosh did mention that holding out can make sense, but that the girl can’t hold out completely; check that line about “letting him know you are a sexual freak worth waiting for.”

Nikita
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Yeah, well clearly girls shouldn’t act like dead fish towards guys they’re interested in. But if a girl does engage you with playful sexy banter or mildly suggestive physical contact, don’t take that to mean she necessarily wants you to bone her. Let her give you an inch without expecting a mile.

mm
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mm
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Amen to everything Nikita said. I especially liked her Christmas analogy.

I can’t get sexually involved in less than 5 dates. If I do, I get sick of the guy very soon and kinda lose a bit of respect for him. It takes me awhile to get to the point where I feel comfortable enough to open myself up to someone in that way. There has to be a build up og genuine feelings there or the whole thing is pointless.

Lisa
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I really did appreciate this post and the info is extremely helpful. But there is no way I would give a guy a job to hold him over and call it a night. Who does that? Ideally you get turned on by giving head. This at least calls for a 69 or a luscious 49 hand-to-snatch.

inowpronounceyou
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I dunno…I think getting all caught up in the game is where all the stress comes in. It’s either gonna happen or it’s not. And yes, there’s a certain amount of “back and forth” that has to happen but really, all of this just makes it more complicated than it has to be.

Eric
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what’s a 49?

bunifah
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bunifah
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who goes on dates anymore? weird.

Gunslingergregi
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Every time I read this blog. It totally reenforces the reason behind why I need to acomplish my goals. The lifestyle you all talk about is so full of shit. Every time you see a picture of Roosh he doesn’t even have a woman. Every party ends up with no action lol All the game is BS it does not even look like a fun game. I figured out I have no game because I am not full of shit, or a liar. The post about the woman who wanted money after the foreplay was the most honest and non discriminatory interaction that has been talked about on this blog. It’s logical you can work and get some ass from a woman who appreciates the fact that you have some dollars no matter what you look like no matter your race, color, religion, age , no matter what your values are no matter what kind of sweet talker you are no matter that you are cool or whether or not you have a nice car, or what kind of job you work at. It really is equal opportunity noone is left out. Opposed to the you work and now you have to play this game with everyone lying to each other and themselves about every little fucking thing. And mechanical sex with woman who have become robots from contant betrayals and baggage from a preconcieved notion of what they deserve out of life while at the same time everyone ending up with nothing.

virglekent
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virglekent
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wait, what?

Damn it I had an interesting comment about pulling out my janks and asking her…. “want some dick”… oh well

Lisa
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Lisa
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“What’s a 49?”

Only the most comfy foreplay position ever…at least imho. It’s where the dude kneels on the bed and the lady lays down and kind of curls around him and goes down on him while he uses his hand on her snatch. See it now?

Also, damn way to say it Gunslinger. Damn!! woot

Genevieve
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good post.

After a dog is used to being on a leash, he loses the will to escape.
that’s sooo not true! my dog always tries to escape! you know some well- behavied dogs…

i don’t understand witholding sex for more than 3 dates. i feel very proud of myself if i can get past one if i’m really attracted to the guy.

irina
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:huh: I don’t get it.
:love: If you like each other, then it doesn’t matter when you have sex.
:hump: If you don’t like each other that much, but there is an attraction, why wait?

idea I guess the only time it matter is when you’re trying to use The Rules on a guy.

:suspicious: But again, if you have to Rules him, then you’re probably not all that compatible in the first place.

:exclaimation: I’m one two comments away from beating Kassy!

boc
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Lisa – a 49 sounds awesome. you get a blowjob without having to give the girl oral. count me in.

Lisa
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Lisa
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boc – ooh stop it with that sweet talkin.
How about salad tossing, or are you going to tell me you’re no sous chef either?

DF
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DF
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Reading these comments gave me a hard on and now….*grabbing tissue*….I’m spent.

Roissy
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Roissy
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i’m taking a comment sabbath. being the top commenter feels like winning the special olympics. it’s neither.

Roissy
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Roissy
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damn, i just added one more.

Roissy
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Roissy
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fuck.

Lisa
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I can’t believe I forgot to mention: this entire scenario Roosh is talking about sounds a lot like something I call Infiltrating. The Roosh et all posse is kind of rare, players don’t tend to run in packs. Usually it is one dude who gets all the puss surrounded by some good guys, some bad guys, but all the guys secretly wondering why they can’t compete. So, if a girl can wait out the advances of the player long enough to get him to stowe his tool and give in and be her friend, she is snug as a bug and can pretty much take her pick from the rest, with the added clout of being the rare girl who *didn’t* bang the player. That kind of clout goes a long way. All you have left to do is choose the one you like and bang the hell out of him, and your rep is cemented.

Jamie
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Thats total BS.
A leash make something induces the subjects desire to escape…
Take this:
Rules are there to be broken…apply and you see Roosh is wrong with the his statement

mac1
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I must disagree with the post, it all falls on the guy. If a woman does not want to have sex and you have to pressure her to do it with you then you are basically begging for sex, which makes you pathetic. Even if she gives in, she is doing just that, giving in and is not really into you nor will the sexual experience be any good to you or her. Trust me, if you are the MAN and exude that authority and behavior to a normal woman, whether she seem frigid or not, she will respond in a way that will give you “permission” if you will, to move forward and get more and more sexual with her.

It is all about how she percieves you as a man, even if this woman wants to hold out until marriage, I can garauntee she will give it up if you send her the right signals that causes her to feel that intense desire for sex from YOU.

Another thing I disagree with is this point, women don’t have game, only men do. While women (yes i said women) are desined to chase men, they do not really know how which is why they seem like they don’t. Most women, about 99.9% of them have no clue of what they REALLY want nor how to get it from a REAL man. It is ALWAYS up to the man to lead the woman forward, as to how far she will go sexually is totally up to him and how strong his game is.

z.g.
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The interactions with women are what PUa’s call direct game, and am honest.

The only way I will go beyond four dates with no sex in an honest way is that

1. She has not slutted around before meeting me. i.e. I am not the special guy who has to prove she is special for him, before she puts out. Sorry ladies, that is not an honor to be special, it is a curse and an insult.

2. While deeming me special and enjoying my company, seeing if I am more than an eager dick, she is not giving it away to some bootycall or random stranger.

After this point, or even at the first meeting after the first ten minutes when I sense this is going to be pulled on me, she leaves the “be honest” zone, and enters the “ultimate sports fuck, not rules apply” zone.

Ladies, I was honest and upfront. About an interaction of shared good experience.

You wanted to play.

We play.

I play to win.

24mac1:

“It is ALWAYS up to the man to lead the woman forward, as to how far she will go sexually is totally up to him and how strong his game is.”

his is called plausible deniability on the woman’s side, making you carry all the responsibility.

This responsibility does not require to act responsibly tho. Women chickening out from rejection etc, but you not, gives you the right to play the game the way you want to play, with no need to account for it to any given woman who has not been honest or has been playing mindgames.

Ravi Macho
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Well said. But there is no point in wasting time by replying to this smelly cunts !

Anonymous
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“If you are going to postpone sex, get on your knees by date two, grab his dick on the dance floor, and whisper nasty things in his ear to let him know you are a sexual freak worth waiting for. Otherwise you may be perceived as frigid woman who can be better used as a lady friend to pick up other girls who would make more suitable lovers.”

I know that this post is a few years old, but it’s new to me.

What the fuck is this? Is this a joke? Are you playing games, trying to smoke out the betas?

If some “freak” pulled that stunt on me, and didn’t let me follow through, I sure do hope that my bail is reasonable.

If she is a “freak”, she is there to get laid, same as me. Otherwise, her grabbing my dick and talking dirty to me, letting me know what I am NOT getting that night, is being a tease and not a “frigid woman”, and therefore she deserves a smackdown (figuratively speaking).

Postponing sex, in a sexual situation like this, is a power play on her part. Others can play along, if they want to. It’s better if she rejects me outright.

This article has to be a joke. There are too many otherwise good articles here.