Women Who Become Bitter And Jaded

Why do people harden as they age? Why do they become bitter and jaded? The simple answer is to avoid pain. By forming a rigid shell, a person can avoid experiencing the same pain they’ve felt in the past.

Imagine that a girl falls in love with a football jock in college. She fucks him on the first date, thinking that he liked her. Afterwards she contacts him to say what a great time she had. He doesn’t respond, and ignores her when they cross paths in public. The next time she has a wild night with a man, she will be hesitant to compliment him or express her gratitude. She’ll pretend that she’s not at all that interested in him in the first place.

Now imagine that a guy meets a girl in a bar. They have an amazing four-hour conversation where it turns out that they share a lot of things in common. To prepare for the first date, he researches restaurants on the internet, hoping that his selection will provide the perfect environment to create a magical spark. On the day of the date, after reservations have been made and his outfit selected, she cancels with a lame excuse and disappears. Five years later, he considers all women in bars and clubs to be sluts.

Rejections in dating cause both men and women to change. They begin to withhold displays of emotion, compassion, or interest. This is especially severe in women, who are emotional by nature. You can argue that a man not being emotional or sensual is just a man being a man, but a woman doing the same turns her autistic. A man’s coping mechanism to rejection causes him to be more masculine, but a woman’s coping mechanism to rejection also causes her to be more masculine, a trait that decreases her ability to make men happy. Other negative qualities also take hold in her…

  • She is slower to open in any conversation
  • She distrusts men
  • She is less willing to put work in new relationships
  • She cares less if men think she’s beautiful or not
  • She unnaturally restrains her natural interest in men
  • She learns how to make a “bitch face” while in public, a frown that makes it seem as if she’s constantly smelling something bad

What women don’t understand is that by trying to avoid pain, they also eliminate the pleasure that precludes that pain, those positive feelings that are part of any budding love affair. By tossing the baby out with the bath water, all that’s left is a watered down version of both extremes: relationships engulfed in mediocrity, indifference, and vague disappointment.

While guys do this as well, it’s to a lesser degree. Women grown in the wild go from being 100% sensual to 10% sensual after five years of Western-style nonstop dating. Men go from being 30% sensual to 10%. In essence, men are going half retard while women are going full retard. I can’t say I’ve even gone half retard, even with the billions of rejections I have faced from women in my life. I don’t fantasize about a girl when I’m not in her presence, but when she’s in front of me I dive into the experience fully.

I encountered a fork in the road when I was around 25, four years after I started learning game. One side said “Bitterness (low pain and pleasure)” while the other said “Keeping it real (pain and pleasure).” I took the latter path. I leave myself open with no shield because I want to experience emotional pleasure, one of the best things about being human. Unfortunately, unless the woman I’m with has the same mindset, no emotional connection will result, with the ensuing relationship remaining purely sexual, satisfactory but not spectacular. In a modern world where everyone is ready to withdraw into their turtle shell at the slightest hint of pain, finding emotional connection is becoming increasingly difficult, and maybe even futile.

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Vicious
Vicious
8 years ago

“A man’s coping mechanism to rejection causes him to be more masculine”

If only that was the case…
I’ve seen men cry in public and settle for pigs because due to being dumped. *shudder*

And then there’s the guys that due to being rejected become the type trying desperately to be anti-titjobs, respectful, sensitive and compliant hoping it will help him score.

None of this especially masculine.

The rest of the post is on the money though. Few things can hold you back more than being bitter. The worst state I’d wish on an enemy would be for them to pity themselves, it is the most unproductive state you can fall into and everything set back will carry you further down the void.

Vicious
Vicious
8 years ago

Meant to write “every set back” above.

Solo
8 years ago

Dear Roosh and Readers and Commentators

Right now what we are witnessing with Roosh is an evolution like no other, I think it’s safe to say that Roosh has reached such a new plateau-a level of understanding with women and social dynamics that He is on a path to enlightenment.This post is surreal. It articulates some of the stuff I’ve been seeing/thinking/noticing myself but which I’m unable to explain for my mastery with words are that of child while Roosh’s writes like one our forefathers fromt he old tiems(with simplicity yet deep wisdom). I’ve only seen this with another guy before and his name is Pook.

In terms of this post, he is telling the truth, the more women get screwed over, dicked down, the more cold they become. This is why “Women are the new Men, and men are the new women”. Women are starting to encompass the traits of men. While men are rocking skinny jeans, and singing to Justin Bieber and becoming more feminine

Great job Roosh

Sollie

Johnny Milfquest
8 years ago

That’s a good analysis.

The thing that inspired me to study Game was ONE rejection that hurt like hell.

But now its no big deal. I’ve accepted that half the fucking world is female and I don’t need ONE PARTICULAR woman to like me.

The Private Man
8 years ago

“In a modern world where everyone is ready to withdraw into their turtle shell at the slightest hint of pain, finding emotional connection is becoming increasingly difficult, and maybe even futile.”

This isn’t new. In the 1970s before AIDS and herpes, there was tremendous emotional dissatisfaction with the dating scene. There was lots of bed hopping and alpha men cleaned up with the new sexually liberated generation of young women.

This was the era of the “zipless fuck” and Erica Jong’s book, Fear of Flying. The Baby Boomers were getting their grove on yet there was a lot of hand-wringing because of the lack of emotional commitment going on.

But with herpes, then AIDs, and the Baby Boomers getting older, the singles scene quieted down a bit leaving people like me just coming of age in a curious moment in our society’s sexual landscape. We wanted the sexual freedom but were scared shitless.

We’ve returned to a 1970s era-style of sexual behavior.

asdf@asdf.com
8 years ago

I have a great emotional connection with my girlfriend ,who is a nurse. Honestly , sometimes I realize just how much work it is (for example, de-escalating arguments with humor, etc) But for me , and my personality, it’s been worth it.

First I’d say any guys, work on yourselves and any baggage if you’ve got it. This is not a domain exclusive to women.

And also:

I’d suggest anyone looking to find a girlfriend of the type who is ’emotionally open’ look towards women in ‘feminine’ professions which involve taking care of lots of different kinds of people (nurse, teacher, etc)…

In my experience, these sorts of women (nurse, teacher, daycare, homeless activist, vet tech, etc) tend to be MUCH more emotionally available and healthy than other types (lawyer, NGO monkey, etc).

-Asdf

Opportunist
Opportunist
8 years ago

I really liked this post man. There’s a great quote by C.S. Lewis that encapsulates your point about pain.

“The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.”

Anonymous
Anonymous
8 years ago

Roosh, I don’t mean to be mean but obviously for any woman to open up to YOU would be plain stupid. What exactly have you got to offer that a decent woman wants. Faithfulness? Loyalty? A family? No, just sex and fun – that might be your priority but not a woman’s if she’s an ordinary emotional vulnerable woman. And that’s what you’re demanding? Clearly that’s self-contradictory

Anonymous
Anonymous
8 years ago

And I know for sure you’re never going to allow yourself to connect with any girl for serious because you called David Deangelo a hypocrite for getting married, so I guess that’s the standard you’re applying to yourself

zigzag
zigzag
8 years ago

This recent post has a connection to your other post regarding the destruction of man – the technological world aint helping. Women don’t really care for men if you read Manipulated Man by Esther Vilar – but todays global village with iphones, social networking technology and gynocentric culture todays female are completely fragmented bitch faced zombies. Emotional connections between men and women are a thing of the past.

Anonymous
Anonymous
8 years ago

excellent article but a great paradox game and alphas create a cycle of damage that comes back to bite everyone

Omega Man
8 years ago

This is a terrible burden for a lot of people. It’s bad enough if you start out with a good state of mental and social health. But a lot of men and women or boys and girls don’t.

Dirt Man
8 years ago

Just want to say that this is totally awesome man. These are thoughts that many of us have, but you have put it down so clearly and succinctly. Kudos.

A.B. Dada
8 years ago

That’s why a guy like me, who isn’t a PUA, still supports game mastery for every Harry, Dick and Tom…

When you learn “game”, you learn the ways that a new gal can disqualify herself — sometimes within 30 minutes of meeting her. It happens to me constantly, whether or not I’m in a relationship of value — a pretty, slim, energetic gal who seems to be interesting does a few little things that open her 500-page-long-APPEARING book and shows it to be mostly blank pages with just ugly images on the printed pages.

Remember: if all you want is a hook up, that empty/ugly book is just fine. If you want to find someone who takes care of some of your needs more efficiently than you do (excitement is a form of efficiency, too), you’ll probably want a gal who is ahead of the pack of most of her friends.

There’s a big difference between promiscuity-seekers and need-seekers who have a grasp of what they truly want out of the opposite sex. Are they looking to fill up a dark hole, or are they actually looking to see how this particular key-lock combination fits and operates?

Great post, Roosh — you always surprise me with some of the most on-target deciphering of the “war” between man and woman.

Juhana
Juhana
8 years ago

Quote: “I leave myself open with no shield because I want to experience emotional pleasure, one of the best things about being human.”

Best thing you’ve written yet, man. Ever.

Dagonet
8 years ago

This is why I date 18-year-olds.

Timothy
Timothy
8 years ago

So true. A mutual distrust has developed between men and women, with each manuevering to mitigate what they believe will be inevitable disappointment. It’s funny, because I tell women this all the time when they whine about being hurt before – you have to be willing to risk that hurt to be happy. EVERYONE has their own story about how they were hurt or disappointed. If you don’t have a story, you’ve never jumped in and actually tried to have a relationship with the opposite sex. If you’re going to constantly be on your guard with every man that comes at you, because years ago you felt like you got burned, you’ll be continually spinning your wheels, and you’ll NEVER experience happiness again. Women want all of these guarantees going in, while they expect men to go purely on faith.

Anonymous
Anonymous
8 years ago

…excellent article but a great paradox game and alphas create a cycle of damage…

One slight flaw with your analysis:

Women CHOOSE to be with these alpha alley cats.

Since women are the gatekeepers of sex, they are the one’s *primarily responsible* for all of the fallout from such ‘relationships’ – be it heartbreak, ‘unwanted’ pregnancies, etc.

Women and their mangina girlfriends ain’t foolin anyone here.

Anonymous
Anonymous
8 years ago

…because I tell women this all the time when they whine about being hurt before – you have to be willing to risk that hurt to be happy

Women want all of these guarantees going in, while they expect men to go purely on faith.

Part of the problem is that too many women – especially of the ‘Anglosphere’ (AmeriKwan and especially British) are narcissistic cowards right down to the marrow of their (arthritic) bones.

Anonymous
Anonymous
8 years ago

Sad, but Great post.

samseau
samseau
8 years ago

I think a big reason women become bitter is because when they get screwed over by men, it’s a huge loss on their part. Women have, what, 6-8 years in their prime?

Men, on the other hand, have at least twice as many prime years, anywhere from 15-20 years to find a good mate. A man getting rejected means shit when you have so much time.

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[…] sometimes says shockingly misogynistic things, but what he says here resonates with me: I encountered a fork in the road when I was around 25, four years after I […]

pepini
pepini
8 years ago

Again Roosh points it right. It´s becoming a fucked up world. Distrust is more and more prevalent. Mentally it´s exausting.

We all live in shells. Like fucking robots without emotions.

Recently I heard a girl telling me this:

“My father abandoned my mother after 20 years of marriage. She discovered he was having an affair, but forgave him anyway. But still he letf us. After she had passed the last 20 years cooking, cleaning and ironing his shirts. I will never be like that.”

At this time and this may sound betish, but I really felt like smacking the litle fucker. He had a nice family could bang girls on the side and still abandoned is entire family.

The trauma of abandon is becoming more prevalent in society, and as times passes more and more generations of traumatized people will exist, till we all become numb to feelings and robots.

Thankfully the US will crumble before this shit arrives to Europe.

Samuel
8 years ago

I will never allow any woman to turn me bitter.

I am in control of that, and people who get bitter and cold to avoid pain are fearful butt-hurt pussies.

I take my pain like a man, and I keep my heart and mind OPEN. I’m not going to let anyone ruin me.

I manage my expectations and ego so that when and if things go bad, I pat them on the ass and keep rolling. I care, and I love, but I don’t kill myself just because of heartbreak. I don’t need to cry to mommy, I don’t need to hate on chicks for being chicks, and I don’t need a heart of stone to cope. I don’t give people that kind of power over me. Love them when they’re here, miss them when they’re gone, keep being the awesome ME that I was all along.

Good post Roosh.

Driver
Driver
6 years ago
Reply to  Samuel

Yep, agree. If it doesn’t work out, then move on. I give each woman one chance (or ride on the bus). Once she gets off, or I let her off…that’s it (no going back). You need to give every woman one chance and there are many women out there.

No need to try and stay with someone (or return to someone) who didn’t want to be with you.

Anonymous
Anonymous
8 years ago

I think a big reason women become bitter is because when they get screwed over by men, it’s a huge loss on their part.

‘Screwed over’ by men that T.H.E.S.E W.O.M.E.N C.H.O.S.E.

Amy Mindyobznz
Amy Mindyobznz
4 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

To be fair most of these men don’t come with a warning label stuck to their foreheads. Most of the time in especially in the beginning these assholes will do their best to play the sensitive sweet kind loving partner all women look for, only for them to show their true colors after they’ve gotten what they wanted. It’s called the game.

So later on when a woman meets a man who is nice and open and kind comes along and it’s questionable for her as to wether or not he’s genuine.

It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s bitter because she doesn’t immediately reciprocate.