You Better Be Sorry

I noticed there is a special breed of girls out there who when they return your call, say, “I’m sorry I missed your call.” This isn’t a line or move; they truly feel apologetic for not being able to pick up the phone when you called.

When I’m going through numbers in my phone, thinking about which girl I want to give attention to, I hesitate on the ones that I know won’t pick up their phone or call back promptly. Unlike postal mail, the telephone is an instant medium, so unless you are in a movie theater there is no reason I should wait for more than 30 minutes. Once that cursor comes across a nice girl who has historically been good to me with the phone, I go ahead and hit send and find out what she’s up to. Just to chat, or maybe more.

The girls who put up less access barriers, all things being equal, will be contacted first. I’m confident that the guys who do reward girls that put up barriers eventually come around as they age and realize that they aren’t worth the effort.

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mm
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mm
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I tend to be that girl…the one that apologises for missing call.
I rarely return calls in 30 minutes or less. It’s not on purpose, it’s usually because I’m genuinely busy and don’t notice my phone (which is always on vibrate) going off. Perhaps you want to rethink that 30 minute rule. Not everyone waits by their phone all day long.

ribald
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ribald
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avoid girls with access barriers. and those who own a cat. worse if they have more than one :catlady:

The Dude
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I totally agree. The access barrier thing is just tiring and terribly disrespectful.

I am already at the point where this kind of nonsense just causes me to forget about you. I am a busy person with too much going on to devote a lot of time to jumping through anyone’s hoops.

lmntalattraction
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lmntalattraction
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I’m very much with you on this one.

Roissy
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the problem is that access barriers rise in proportion to the hotness of the chick erecting them.
options = access barriers.
it has not escaped my notice that the less attractive of all the girls i’ve gamed have answered my calls on the first ring.

Hiro
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I don’t immediately assume I’m important enough to warrant a 30 minute or less call back. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as awesome as they come, but people are busy with other shit. I understand. I only ask for the same patience in return.

Oh shit. I forgot. Patience and understanding are the hallmarks of loser betas, right?

The Dude
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Hiro–

you’re missing the point here. I get it- I am a busy guy too and obviously I expect people to be patient with the fact that a lot of the time I am occupied with something else. But things like screening calls and not calling back only for the sake of some kind of headgame is annoying and frankly not worth my time.

Jo
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You know, if a girl doesn’t pick up the phone. Or call you back as soon as she was done with whatever she was doing (work, gym, no reception, etc.) She’s just not that into you.

kayla
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I haven’t enjoyed talking on the phone since I was oh.. 15 years old. I guess I am very lucky that the guys I have dated have not been phone guys.. smile

Jay Gatsby
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“You know, if a girl doesn’t pick up the phone. Or call you back as soon as she was done with whatever she was doing (work, gym, no reception, etc.) She’s just not that into you.” — Jo

I see, so why don’t such women just simply come out and say it rather than fail to return a call? If a woman wasn’t into a particular guy from the beginning, then why did she give her number in the first place? Now I’m not saying women aren’t entitled to change their minds (we all are), but if you give a guy your number, then you’re giving the impression that you would like to hear from him. Thus, have the common decency to answer your phone when the guy calls, or at least return his call within a few hours. If at that time you’ve decided that you’re “just not into” him, have the common decency to tell him so he doesn’t call anymore. No matter how busy you are, you’re not so busy that you can’t show common courtesy.

Passive rejection is for betas (be they male or female).

Postcript: Women may play the passive rejection game intentionally so that they still feel wanted (and therefore desirable/attractive), even if they don’t want the guy. This is a sign of low self-esteem, and is pathetic in its own right.

Hiro
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Dude-
Agreed. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, though. If someone doesn’t call me back right away, I have to assume they have some good reason. If they’re playing games, then the endeavor is doomed, but I like to think my bullshit detector weeds those types out early.

Also, I hate the phone. I use it with local people only to exchange data or set up a face to face.

InstantExcitement
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The first time I call a girl, I expect a long delay, as their excuse is that they didn’t have my number in their phone and had to screen the call. The most annoying thing is when a girl text’s back and apologizes for not calling you sooner insisting that you call back again. If they don’t have the time at the moment to call someone, why not wait longer and call. After our initial phone call, assuming both parties still want to talk, I will not deal with any girl that still wants to play phone tag purposefully. I get the impression that their little kids at that point that just need/want attention.

InstantExcitement
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Jay Gatsby – Great point, Guys get so excited that they got some girl’s number, but the majority of the time the girl will never pick up and the excitement turns into bitterness. I make it a policy not to ask for a girl’s number and make her offer it to me. Like the majority of us I don’t have time to wait around for someone to play head games with me, and so I’ve countered this whole I’m going to give everyone my number nonsense by not asking and simply waiting. Turning the tables around for once.

Jo
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Jay – I was thinking of this in the perspective of post-first date not pre-. Pre first date, yes, you’re absolutely right don’t give out your number unless you’re into the guy (I learned that the hard way). But what if the guy and the girl are friends and he’s calling? What if it’s more of a booty call? There are so many scenarios I could think of.

Jay Gatsby
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Jo —

The same rule applies post-date as well. You have every right to change your mind, but have the common courtesy to tell a guy that you’re not into him anymore so he doesn’t continue to call. If the guy and girl are “friends” (which I doubt, but that’s an entirely different subject), then the situation Roosh described doesn’t apply. It also wouldn’t apply to the booty call situation, since both parties presumably know that they’re just a booty call, and therefore shouldn’t have expectations of anything more. If the booty call arrangement has run its course, then common courtesy still applies.

The whole problem is that people forget they’re dealing with other human beings. Silence can be as cruel as words or actions, and being rude or a coward is no way to go through life.

Jo
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Jay – I agree, you *should* give people the common curtesy to tell them whether you like them or not. I prefer honesty but not all women (or men)do. I’m just trying to look at this from another perspective. Because really that’s not the way of the world, that’s not how men treat women either.

irina
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I’m sorry. I was with my mom and she likes to yell over my conversations.

InstantExcitement
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Jo – While I agree with “that’s not how men treat women either” I don’t think that men, in our society, are called as often as women are and women are not expected to be ones to call. If I go out tonight and meet a number of women, and give them my number and tell them to call, most of them will never call or think I’m crazy, where as I would probably have some success at getting the numbers of these women and calling them. I’m not going to argue if this is right or wrong, but that is what society has dictated to be normal practice

WendyT
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I think it’s amazing how on alot of these posts there seem to be multiple non-exclusive points of view, but they all just ignore each other.

There’s (theoretically) men and women, both expressing their opinion about how some of the behavior present in the modern dating scene arises.

In this case, it seems unreasonable to expect someone to answer the phone at any given time that you call them.

I wonder if maybe I have a deficient parasympathetic nervous system or abnormal hormone levels, because my thoughts don’t function of the level of “must get laid”. I’d like to think I’ve gotten a little higher on Maslow’s hierarchy than safety.

It sounds like a combination of insecurity, lack of honesty, and bravado drive most the modern dating scene. People beome notches, someone not answering immediately means they’re playing a game, etc.

If you were really interested in a relationship, the easiest way would be to just be totally honest from the beginning, both guys and girls.

Since it seems that for the most part it falls on guys to initiate things, simply enforce honesty. If she doesn’t answer, rather than thinking she’s playing a game, just ask her why she didn’t answer. If she asks why, tell her the exact truth. “I need reassurance that you’re not playing a game with me and that isn’t simply going to be another repetition of what regularly happens on the modern dating scene.” If as a guy you’re not willing to take a step like that, it means you don’t think the girl is worth taking a risk and you really are just interested in sex.

Thanks to the modern dating scene, going out and getting laid is more like playing russian roulette than actually having fun. For example, you can calculate your chance of sleeping with some with HPV pretty easily. Studies report that between 19-24 prevalence 49.x%. Let’s round that to .5 (it’s probably suffers from underreporting bias anyway). Assume each person you’ve slept with is independent from the last (reasonable, unless you’re going around screwing chains of friends). That means each even can be modelled as a bernoulli trial. So the chance of having slept with at least one person that has HPV is 1 – (1-.5)^k, where k is your number of partners.
If k=10, there’s 99.90% chance that you’ve slept with at least 1 person that has HPV. If you plugin the rate of herpes (approximately 1/5 ~ .2), for 10 partners you have an 89.25% chance of having slept with someone that has herpes. Now it’s farely easy to extend this to cover safe sex as well. Condoms have about 10-15% estimated failure rate when it comes to STDs. So you can combine the two distribution based on the number of times a condom fails, if you have had k partners. Since condom failure is random, you can model it as random sampling from population. So assume you have k condoms failures, what’s the chance of getting herpes if you’ve had k unprotected partners? Multiply those two probabilites together and it will give you a two variable joint pdf (it’s independent).

This is of course a rough model, but will give you an estimate of the actual risk you are exposing yourself to when you participate in the game. Of course, you can’t claim to have exact numbers, but when 50% of women 19-24 have HPV, and when you consider that 50% that is infected, that they’re the ones probably participating in the modern dating scene most actively and that it can have no symptoms for long periods of time it’s not a pretty picture.

Of course, this could be avoided if you’re entire aim is not to just get laid but rather build a relationship. Of course guys have no incentive to do it early, since they can of course always marry down in age we get the modern dating scene. No one really trusts each other, no one is willing to take emotional risks, and no one is willing to put for any effort. Whether it’s because we’re an entitlement generation, or because we’re spineless who knows.

WendyT
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Upon reviewing I noticed there’s alot of grammatical errors. I don’t have time to sit there and proofread my posts. I’m just trying to preempt any complaints.

Mr Boofu
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Mispell on Wendy….I’m not checking

Depends on the looks. If a brawd is hot and got it going then I’ll role play and let her think she’s dominating me. Why spoil some good ass over being put on pause???? Just role play that shit and in the end just give her a death roll and bounce.

shadowsofourselves
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So at first, I thought – This is kind of lame. He wants a call back within 30 minutes?? What the hell. Maybe she has a life.

But then I thought about it. If it was a guy I thought was cool, and I really wanted to talk to him, I’d be hoping he’d call anyway. And If I missed his call, but happened to notice that I’d missed it, I would sure as hell call back ASAP if I was into him! I’d want him to KNOW I was into him.

And if I wasn’t in to him? He wouldn’t get the callback within 30 minutes.

Rajia
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I don’t call ANYONE back within 30 minutes, not even my mother. Personally I don’t believe that just because I have a cell phone means I have to be available to everyone any time they want to reach me. Half the time my phone is off. Sometimes I’m just not interested in talking, not even to say “I’m not interested in talking.”

miik
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Wendy

I figure there is about a 50% chance of missspellling and a 25% chance of proof reading- not to mention the viruses all over the printer.

keep up the good werk!

Gunslingergregi
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Yea Wendy umm from what I keep hearing from you people the modern dating scene is kind of funny oh wait no that’s not the right word. Sick, twisted, fake. Thank God there are people in the world who are different. By that I mean of course people with there own culture not yet totally created by the nasty ass media. Why I havn’t watched tv in around 10 years not counting movies which I think is not so bad. The bombardment of adds for skin cream and feminine products though are freaking ridiculas ever since I was first forced to watch the maxipad commercials at a tender age it was fucking rediculas. None of the shit is needed by woman either to look good as you can see by going to a poor country and they look good without it and don’t have a problem looking young.